Tag Archives: introverts

The Dying Art of Friendship

Today was my monthly “skip work” day, just one of my many sage life philosophies. I firmly believe that, unless you are someone who actually loves work (hell no), loves your job (hell no to the 10th power) or can’t afford to miss work (either for your pocket’s sake or your job security’s sake), everyone should just take a day to him/herself, preferably once a month, in order to stay sane. This is how I live. Judging by how many people–grown adults–I saw at the mall this afternoon, I would say I’m not the only one.

This means that my best friend Clara was at work today “by herself.” She begged and pleaded with me to come in today, but I told her no because I was losing my mind and it was just time for that skip day. She wanted me there because I am entertaining, but also because there is a lot of drama at work and she needs someone who is on her side. It is becoming a high school-like environment replete with tattletales, vindictive bitches, phonies, people choosing sides, wimps and very little work–which leaves more time for people to be fake old-@ss vindictive tattletale bitches. Clara paid me back for not coming today by texting and calling me with updates on all the bullschitt I was missing, as if she didn’t quite get that missing all of it for one day was my intent.

I firmly believe that some of the things that happened today would not have happened had I been there. Clara talks a good game to me, but I’m really the only one whose mouth shoots bullets directly at these @ssholes. Consequently, people don’t fuck with me. But…they will still fuck with Clara, and today they did.

When I write that Clara talks a good game to me, I mean that she complains a lot and puts on a tough act like she’s going to do/say something about these things making her complain. But mostly, she just complains every day. Now, I’m fine with complaining–in fact, I love that she is a complainer. I’m one, too, and most people just won’t put up with a complainer. So, complainers only have each other. But, as I’ve told her, things really need to be said to people’s faces and then you need to move on. Plus, she goes on and on way too long. Vent for 10 minutes, then let it go.

I’ve written other posts on my blog about friendship, and, for those who don’t know, this is going to be one of my last posts as I am ending the blog soon. I have lamented losing my friends, including the last woman with whom I was romantically involved. Some of these people I have described as lost friends don’t even know I view them this way. They still contact me via text, Facebook, email or whatnot. But we are no longer friends, in my mind. I will elaborate in a second.

I’ve also mentioned briefly here at times that there is another female at work, Sharon, who hangs out with us but whom I have considered Clara’s friend and not mine. The word “friend” has been used among all of us, but there has always been something about Sharon…at the very least, I have felt we don’t have anything in common. That’s not always make or break, as you can learn a lot from people who are different from you. But on top of it all, Sharon is dull, and it’s damn-near impossible for a dull person and an introvert who hates people anyways to be friends (not to say all introverts hate people, but I do). I mean, what are the two going to talk about? Nothing. That’s why almost all of my friends are outgoing and talkative–they complement my personality, allowing the friendship to work.

Today, I think I realized why I don’t care for Sharon and why I have never considered her a friend. Sharon is the typical female “friend.” The drama at work bothers Clara and me. Clara wants to talk about it. Sharon doesn’t want to hear it. I don’t necessarily want to talk about it, especially not as much as Clara does, but I respond to what Clara says and agree for the most part and have told her at times in a nice way that just sitting around complaining isn’t the answer–she has to do something.

I told Clara about Sharon weeks ago because, although Sharon has never said she doesn’t want to hear it, I could read her body language and behavior while Clara vents and tell that she doesn’t want to hear it. I said, “Listen, you need to watch talking about this with Sharon, because I can tell she doesn’t want to hear it. Just talk to me about it, because I don’t care and I get where you’re coming from.” Clara was in agreement, and then she went right back to going on and on and on–immediately. Meanwhile, Sharon just sits there, says nothing and plays with her cell phone.

Sharon’s philosophy for dealing with drama is to ignore it. So, she doesn’t agree with my being direct with people about what I think and how I feel or telling people to fuck off, and she doesn’t agree with Clara’s complaining. Even though Clara is being targeted by this jack@ss at work and it affects me, as well, I don’t think Sharon “gets” what the problem is and she isn’t the slightest bit supportive. The only time she’ll say anything is to imply that we’re overreacting. Indeed, Sharon told Clara today that Clara and I are “too sensitive.”

I almost guarantee, Sharon wouldn’t have said that if I were sitting there because she knows she would have been the target of a “fuck off.” The difference between Clara and me is Clara only thought about telling Sharon that she’s full of schitt–I would have done it, and I would have told her that she needs to find another crew to sit with from now on. Some @sshole is basically doing schitt that could lead to Clara getting fired, and Clara is too sensitive because she’s angry about it and tired of it…

Look, I don’t recall anyone asking Sharon to be our friend–quite the opposite. She came up to us one day and said, “You all are having too much fun over here; I want in!” And now that it’s not all fun and games, she wants to sit with us and look miserable because we’re upset or because we’re having a real conversation about politics, for example, and not just joking around.

Sorry–real friendship is not about being entertained. You take the good with the bad. When your friend is upset, you sit there and you listen and be supportive. I don’t care how much you can’t stand complaining or how tired you are of hearing it. You don’t sit there and say, “Oh, you’re too sensitive,” or pout because your friend isn’t being particularly funny today. If you can’t handle that, move on–and that’s why I would have told Sharon to go sit somewhere else if I had been there.

I don’t have friends who just want to be entertained and can’t have real, substantive conversations. I won’t have those kind of friends. And the whole reason why I have ditched a lot of my friends or no longer consider them friends is because there is no such thing as a friend who isn’t there for you, supporting you. Our society nowadays has bought into this whole thing of, “Oh, we can go years without talking, and one of us can call the other one day and pick right back up where we left off. That’s real friendship.” No, that’s a bunch of crap. This person has not been there for you, and you have not been there for that person. You barely know each other anymore, to be honest, let alone have a friendship.

To me, friendship is not something that is in theory, one-sided or enduring long stretches of silence. ¬†And buying into friendships that are about entertaining people, good times only, labeling people who want to talk about their problems every now and then as “negative” or “sensitive,” or only talking to each other once every three years is just another way for us to avoid building and sustaining real relationships with people–relationships that take work. After all, isn’t that really why the divorce rate is so high in the US? People have just gotten lazy with relationships, and not even just with romantic relationships. Nobody wants to do the work anymore, and nobody cares about anyone besides self anymore.

So, this chick Sharon is going to keep following us around, looking for entertainment. And she’s going to say the wrong thing in front of me, and she is going to find herself taking a bullet from my mouth. I grew up tolerating a lot of bullschitt from people–was harassed by bitches in elementary and junior high school, have dealt with racial crap all of my life, I’m a lesbian–and the older I get the less I tolerate. I do not exist to entertain dumb bitches who don’t have an intellectual thought anywhere in their heads. Apparently, Clara and I are on the same page about Sharon, too. When I told Clara she wouldn’t be by herself because she’d have Sharon at work today, she turned up her noise–even my mother noticed and asked me about it later. Afterwards, I asked Clara about it, and she remarked that she doesn’t have anything in common with Sharon and that Sharon never has anything to say–she just “exists.”

I died laughing at the “exists” comment. It sparks thoughts of inanimate objects just sitting there, not really contributing to my life. I think that’s how I will refer to all of my “friends.” “Aren’t you and Leslie friends anymore?” Me: “No, she just exists.” ūüėõ

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Putting People In Their Place

I don’t care where you work or what you do for a living, it seems like there’s always something about your job. Right now, I’m realizing there are some crazy people where I work. And I had to verbally jack one of them up last week in front of several people. Or as my mother says, I cursed him out without using curse words.

Because I am sure I don’t have many regular readers, let me just explain these key things first:

1) My attitude at my blog is generally pretty different from my attitude in person. Here, I’m always saying I can’t stand people and am always cursing and being an @ss. In person, I am quiet and pretend to be friendly. Yes, pretend. I’m so-fucking-not. I just want most people to fuck off. But because being sociable and agreeable are damn-near job requirements nowadays (especially in most of my previous jobs, which had strong customer service elements), I know that I have to cool it at work, be fake to some degree and then just come to my blog and complain or complain to my work friend Clara.

2) In general, I don’t actually have trouble getting along with people. Ironically, the closer I am to someone to whom I’m not related, the more difficulty I have getting along with them. This especially and particularly applies to my girlfriends. But people with whom I work and other people I barely know? If I have an issue with them, I’m never the only one who does–which indicates that person is the real problem.

3) As a black female, there is a part of me that doesn’t like to get bitchy with people, especially in front of other people and especially if those people are not black and/or are male. When men go off, it’s okay. When women go off, they’re being emotional. When black women go off, they’ve got an attitude problem or are “difficult.” In other words, as a black person and a woman, I inevitably become a stereotype. And whatever I say in anger may be correct and valid, but it gets lost in the stereotype and nobody cares what I say or said.

4) Admittedly, at my current job and at my previous job I take/have taken off work a lot and leave early a lot. At my previous job, it was largely because I had a bit of a health scare and was going to the doctor…and then it was because I was looking for another job. At my current job…my last post mentions how I went to Michigan for a football game a few weeks ago, and I wrote that I would have quit my job if I’d been told I had to work instead of going on my trip. That’s simply because, recently, my mentality has become that I don’t want my life to be work-eat-sleep. I’m not married, don’t have kids, don’t have obligations other than student loans. I want to spend as much of my time as possible doing things that are worth it and things I like to do, and being at work is not one of those things. The Michigan trip was incredible, and I need to do things like that more often–I don’t need to sit around saying, “I can’t take off work” like I used to do. I cried off and on for a while when I left Michigan–at the airport, on the plane, at home–which means I am not there enough…I definitely miss it, so the trip would have been worth my job. I focus on doing my job well and completely when I’m there, and then I leave when I don’t have anymore work to do.

All that out of the way, allow me to connect the dots. There’s this @sshole at work. He’s Filipino. He’s a lazy fuck who spends 25% of the work day messing with his iPhone instead of working and another 30% of the work day completely away from his workstation instead of working–including longer-than-allowed lunch breaks. And he’s the type of guy–I think we all know him–who doesn’t run schitt but really is self-important and badly wants to run schitt…and, thus, acts as if he runs schitt when he doesn’t. I thought only white guys did this, but I was wrong. Oh, and he’s not just an @sshole–he acts like a little bitch. He whines. He goes on and on long after he should. And he will run and tell, even though he’s in his mid-40s.

I mentioned here when I first started that job that I don’t have a lot of work to do. That’s still true so many days. At some point, to get more work my work friend Clara–who is really now more like my best friend, work or no work–showed me how to do part of her job and I do that. She has shown me more and more, until now I know how to do most of what she does and do most of it. So, she had to find work to do and started helping Lazy Fuck and this other chick, Sharon, with their work–which I think she did mainly to help Sharon, who usually has a lot of work and is friends with Clara (Clara, Sharon and I hang out, but, really, I only consider Clara my friend). When I would run out of work, I started helping Lazy Fuck and Sharon, too. This was before I knew we could get away with going home early, to be honest with you. I am fine with helping others, to a degree, but I’d rather be at home, frankly.

Lately, Lazy Fuck has been acting as if Clara and I work for him and as if we’re obligated to help him and Sharon. He acts like this even if we have other work to do, especially with Clara. One day last week, I had almost¬†finished my work, looked around and saw that there didn’t really seem to be much work left for others to do–including Lazy Fuck (LF). So, I decided I’d go home when I was done. LF comes over and asks me to help him. The amount of work he had was nothing he couldn’t handle with the amount of time left in the day, so, basically, this @ss was wanting me to do his work while he goes and socializes with other Filipinos or is nowhere to be found, like usual. So, I said I was leaving, and he started questioning me about what time I arrived at work like he was my boss and telling me he wants me to stay and help from now on.

That’s when I started getting pissed, but I didn’t say anything. Clara and I basically do him a favor–we don’t work for him, and our supervisors never told us we’re supposed to do the kind of work with which we help LF and Sharon. On top of it, like I wrote before, he spends more than 50% of the day not actually working. So, naturally, Clara (who is also Asian) and I start talking about all of this because LF was getting more and more persistent and harassing about “helping” him and Sharon, even when they don’t have a lot of work.

The next time he approached me about helping, he wouldn’t take no for an answer, even though I told him I had other work to do. I tried to ignore him, I really did–but he wouldn’t shut up or leave me alone. So I blasted his @ss, because I decided that I wasn’t about to put up with being harassed on a regular basis. And that didn’t even include telling him about how lazy he is and how he needs to do his own work, which I wish I had remembered to include. I basically told him 1) I don’t want to hear that “team work”/”help others” schitt because that’s bullschitt–plenty of people around there don’t help other people, and he doesn’t ask anyone else to “help” except for me and Clara, 2) he ain’t no-fucking-body, so he needs to quit giving me orders and get the fuck out my face, and 3) when I decide to help out at work I make the choice on where I help, unless my actual supervisors tell me otherwise. No means no. Now take the curse words out, and that’s pretty spot-on what I told him…but “get the fuck out of my face” was unmistakably in my voice.

So far, intended result achieved. So, it was worth it. And if I have to do it again, I will.

But Clara harped on it all day after I did it because she was shocked, including “joking” about me killing everyone at work, and Sharon was making indirect comments implying that I should have just ignored LF and needed to calm down or I overreacted. No, Sharon’s just a fucking wimp who, apparently, will put up with being harassed by people. And Clara was probably shocked, as was LF when I told him to go away (yes, I actually said that–twice), because people make assumptions about quiet people. “Quiet” doesn’t mean I won’t curse you out when you deserve it. It doesn’t mean I will let you run over me, either, especially given that I want most people to fuck off to begin with. Clara doesn’t believe me when I tell her I don’t like people, and I remember she told me about a month or so ago that I am just “shy” and have “trouble expressing” myself. Err…no. There was absolutely no trouble with expression when I lit into LF.

Listen, people–especially women–it’s okay to speak up and not take bullschitt. Most of the time, it works out for the best when you let people know bullschitt time is over. Every time I can recall going off on someone in the past few years, I’ve gotten my way as a result (except romantic relationships, and sometimes even then). So, so what if some people see me as an overly-emotional woman or a black bitch? It’s better than being, as I said, a wimp who tries to justify it by saying “just ignore it.” Ignoring problems doesn’t make them go away. Sometimes you can talk things out with people rationally and get your way, but sometimes you can’t or you’re put in a position where you snap. And with some men, you have to be a complete @ss for them to get the message–and I think LF was one…especially since he still harasses Clara the same way he used to harass me.

And don’t be like so many people who talk about what they’re going to do and then they never stand up to anyone, or who complain to everyone and never do anything about it. Clara does both of these things, in my opinion, though she tells people off to some degree–just not like I do it.

Clara has said before that she likes to be liked, and I’m sure that’s why a lot of people don’t “start” mess. Of course, I don’t really give a fuck about being liked–I’m the wrong race and wrong sexual orientation (and the wrong race/sex combination) to care about that kind of schitt anyways, so plenty of people–probably most–already don’t like me. Plus, it’s not as if I like them. But you–you win some, you lose some. Not everyone will like you, and they don’t have to. So, don’t keep making excuses and putting up with garbage.

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Female Loners

I never stop learning. When I become intellectually interested in a topic, especially if I’m interested in opinions on it, I head to a search engine and start reading. Lately I’ve been thinking and reading more about being an introvert, being shy and being a loner. It seems a lot of people don’t know the difference among these terms. The definition of an “introvert” is pretty involved, but it seems the simplest way it’s usually defined is a person who becomes drained by social interaction/people and needs some time away to get him/herself together or think afterwards. A lot of people don’t know this word exists or don’t know what it means, which means they use “shy” or “loner” to describe people who are actually introverts. But you can be an introvert and be a loner, too, for example, as is the case with me. And you can be a loner and be shy. I am not shy, though.

I’m writing about this because a couple of interesting things happened this week–1) my work friend Clara called me shy, and 2) someone pointed out something I’d never really thought of before, which is that loners are usually men and women who are loners are often mistaken for being shy. Well, what’s the difference? Being “shy” means you want to interact with people but you don’t know how to or are too scared. Um, this is not me. I have my moments where there are certain people–certain women–I want to talk to but I “can’t.” But that’s normal if you’re romantically interested in women. Shy people have issues with just about everyone. Loners are damn-near the opposite of shy people–they usually prefer being alone or prefer minimal social interaction. People often use “loner” to mean someone who is basically socially rejected, i.e. a loner against his will, and I can grant them that, although I believe the real definition is the one I gave and the definitions I have found so far support that.

In the course of my research, I have discovered that people don’t actually know what “loner” means, nor that females can be loners or what makes a female a loner (or why more men are loners). So, what I want to do here is another one of my response posts. What I do with these is I take stuff people have written elsewhere on the web and I respond to it.

Here is the first site where you’ll find some of the excerpts that appear here, to which I respond. Here are excerpts and my responses below, starting with the question “do you know any female loners” from the original poster:

It seems that it’s rarer for a woman to be a true loner than it is a man. Even shy women often seem to have at least a few friends, whereas I know a lot of guys on the internet who have no friends WHATSOEVER in real life.
It seems if a young woman has no friends whatsoever, she either travels a lot and just talks to strangers and stuff, has a really involved job where she still socialises and stuff, or works in some remote area. Otherwise she has some severe mental or physical handicap that prevents that.
I think it’s because it’s easier for girls to make friends and they’re more inclusive than a lot of guys.
I don’t really know any loners, or many women who would be considered ‘losers’ – no job, sponging off parents.etc, also no social life. I know they exist, but they seem quite rare.

I see a lot wrong with this person’s assumptions. First of all, there’s that equating “shy” with “loner.” Second, being a loner–and I see this assumption/belief time and time again–is not about having no friends. Again, it means you prefer to be alone. This belief is probably one of the biggest reasons why people don’t recognize female loners or why female loners are mistaken for being shy. But if you insist on believing this about having friends, by my definition of “friends” I don’t actually have any. I have people who think we’re friends, but emailing, texting and/or IM-ing every once in a blue moon doesn’t cut it, to me. And having people I don’t hang out with outside of work and will probably almost never communicate with once one of us finds another job is not friendship to me. And breaking up and you wishing me well from afar, talking about me with other people, thinking about me sometimes but never communicating with me doesn’t make us friends.

I’ve got to quote this person again here:

It seems if a young woman has no friends whatsoever, she either travels a lot and just talks to strangers and stuff, has a really involved job where she still socialises and stuff, or works in some remote area. Otherwise she has some severe mental or physical handicap that prevents that.

This is just pure…moronic…bullschitt. The end. To be honest with you, the average married-with-kids woman probably doesn’t have friends. She has her husband or her partner, and I have found that that’s all most of those women want. And you grow up, graduate, move away from people, work, have families…and then your “friendships” become that crap I described above–especially if you’re still single and your “friends” aren’t–which I don’t consider friendship.

I think it’s because it’s easier for girls to make friends and they’re more inclusive than a lot of guys.

See, men always think everything’s easier for women and women always think everything’s easier for men. I just have never seen how it’s “easier for girls to make friends” and certainly have never seen where women are “more inclusive.” In fact, over the years I have envied how easy it seems for guys to bond and not have drama or emotions in the way half the time. This is especially true when I think about sports teams–I don’t think women have anything like what male athletes have with one another, not even in their sports. I just think friendship between women is different from friendship between men, and that could be why a lot of men think it’s easier for women. Women’s friendships are more involved, more emotional and just closer…but that’s once they actually form. Most women don’t like to be alone anywhere, and they’ll use other women so that they won’t be. That doesn’t mean they’re friends. Women also like to run their mouths, and they will use other women for that purpose, as well.

I think it’s hard for women to truly become friends. Men have a fairly small group of general, stereotypical interests, and that makes it easier for them to find other like-minded men to become friends with. For example, I’d say you can say most guys either like sports, video games, science fiction, technology, drinking or some combination. I’m not saying guys aren’t or can’t be interested in other things, but these seem like the biggies that bind guys together. Contrary to popular belief, women don’t have a small group of biggies that can bind them together–women are more diverse. And even if we did all like some combo of hair, makeup, shoes, shopping…you can have so many things in common with another woman and still have her flatout dislike you or reject you, usually for some shallow reason that should have nothing to do with forming a friendship. A big one is physical attractiveness. So many women hate gorgeous women, but a lot of women also are drawn to pretty women who are less intimidating in some way (i.e. very friendly) and ignore less attractive ones or women who don’t subscribe their idea of how they should do their hair, dress, etc…and this is just talking about friendship. This is hardly being “inclusive.”

I also think this is why you see more male loners, though, aside from the fact that people mis-label female loners as “shy” or some other term. It seems like male loners either aren’t into any of the biggies I listed and, thus, can’t really relate to or have discussions with or be accepted by most men…or they are into some of the geekier biggies, like sci fi, but aren’t usually around other guys who are into that stuff. Guys who like sports are a dime a dozen, so if you’re a guy who isn’t into it but you’re always around guys who are you get used to being alone. There’s also the issue of defensiveness. Sometimes it can seem like being around other guys is halfway a “prove my macho” party, and some guys don’t want to bother, especially if they know they don’t have the requisite interests or the experience with women to win at that kind of game with other guys. They’ll look stupid, and they know it.

This response basically addresses things several others mentioned on that site, but I did see a couple of people who seemed to “get” what “loner” means.

Here is another site, where the discussion goes in a different direction. They are discussing whether or not to date loners:

…there is huge potential for this to be a red flag…
Someone who has no friends¬†may¬†have a hard time building and sustaining healthy relationships. Theymayalso be really selfish. Both my loner exes were selfish, and didn’t really like people. They were also clingy, as I was their only form of entertainment and only confidant.¬†
It’s best to bring up the subject with her to find out why she has no friends. If it is because she is super shy, then I think that is a more acceptable reason, especially if she really wants to make friends but has trouble. However, if she just doesn’t want to make friends, then that sounds like trouble.

I get some of this and not other parts. I don’t know why not wanting to make friends is “trouble” or a “red flag.” Not wanting to make friends doesn’t mean you won’t; you just might not be actively interested, but if someone who could be a good friend comes along you will be receptive. As I’ve written before, relationships are just tough. I think the majority of people are spoiled and/or selfish nowadays where they’re concerned and don’t want to put the work in. I don’t think that has ever been my problem, with respect to not wanting to build or sustain a relationship–if anything, I think other people I’ve been with have not wanted to build/sustain. Recently, I have looked back over my last relationship and have definitely seen where I was selfish at times, but I don’t think that’s the norm for me in relationships.

I am actually “clingy” in relationships, and I think that’s the problem. I don’t see the problem with wanting to be with someone whom you love and who says they love you all the time, but most people do and it kills the “love.” This is something I learned from my last relationship, and it is going to change how I act with the next woman, assuming there is one. I think one of the problems with my friendships is that most of my friends have tons of friends, whereas I don’t. I don’t know that you can be the kind of person who has 400 Facebook friends, 100 of them whom you actually do communicate with, and seriously be a good friend to any of them or have a “built” friendship with these people. Quality and [large] quantity often don’t go together. So, I always want to put in the work with a few select people and I have the time to do it, but they have 50 million other people they’re floating around and usually a serious romantic relationship/marriage, as well. And I don’t like people, either, but I have many exceptions. These friends with the 400 Facebook friends, unfortunately, are my exceptions. I like extroverts, because they approach me and they have all the right social skills, etc. But everyone else likes them, too. And extroverts like to be liked.

I probably need friends and romantic partners who are more like me in the social department, but how would two introverts/loners actually get to talking? ūüėČ

Here is another discussion from a different site:

I think that part of it though is that women are less likely to be excluded due to problems with socialization, and shyness or anxiety may actually be seen as “cute”. Whereas the same traits in a man will often be perceived as weakness, and lead to stereotyping regardless of whether or not it’s deserved. Not to mention socially awkward men often end up taking on the dreaded “creepy” label, whereas you’ll almost never hear of a woman, regardless of what she does, referred to as creepy.

I don’t really think other women view women’s “shyness” as “cute.” Men might, but women assume the worst about other women who are to themselves. This is why I was surprised and kind of glad that Clara called me “shy.” I have never been called “shy” (not as an adult, anyway), but I have been called “anti-social” and “stuck-up.” And though no one has ever told me this to my face, I have been able to tell that black people don’t view me as a “loner” or “shy” or an “introvert”–they think I don’t want to be black because all they see is I don’t interact with black people as opposed to the fact that I hardly interact with anyone.

I basically agree about how loner men are viewed, although I did have a female co-worker who was creepy.

And this site has the dumbest discussion on female loners:

Yes there’s plenty, but most are ugly. Good looking girls loners? Nah

Funny, since one of the other sites above has people discussing how pretty women are loners. So, which is it?

I consider myself ugly, to be honest with you. I have been told by many people that I am attractive, but I definitely know there are others who don’t think so. And I have not really noticed any pretty loners–quite to the contrary, pretty women often seem to have lots of people for socializing. I have seen a couple of women who look okay who seem to be loners, but they could also be shy. Bottom line–I just don’t really think looks have much to do with it.

Females are naturally more social than males. It’s rare to find a female who is content with being alone.

They’re not the same thing. I already mentioned that I don’t think women like to be alone, but I wouldn’t say women are more social. If anything, you run into more quiet women than quiet men.

They exist and they usually smoke a lot of weed.

Haha. This.
I was just going to say.. probably a few drug addicts.

I’ve never smoked weed and never will. I don’t even know what the schitt smells like. The only “drug” I do is caffeine.

See? Dumb discussion.

Finally, a Psychology Today article discusses loners and introverts, and it profiles a female loner who grew up shy:

Matsuoka, for example, says she was “pathologically¬†shy” as a child, which likely laid the groundwork for her current lifestyle, even though she grew much more confident in her 20s.¬†

What is that lifestyle?

She just strongly prefers not to¬†socialize, opting instead for long baths, DVDs, and immersion in her art projects. She does have good, close friends, and goes dancing about once a month, but afterward feels a strong need to “hide and recoup.”

Ding, ding, ding.

I must admit that I was ridiculously shy for years and years, particularly when I was in elementary school. I also had an overprotective mother who wouldn’t let me do anything or go anywhere, which she still fervently denies was the case. Between those two things, I gave up on being able to socialize outside of school. Once I got home, it was up to me to figure out how to entertain myself at home. Somewhere along the way, I just got used to it and now that’s what I prefer–entertaining myself at home. Especially now that I’m an adult. My new job is incredibly physical at times, especially for someone like me who is out of shape. It’s Friday night/early Saturday morning as I type, but the last thing I want to do is go out. After my day at work, I can barely even walk, and I know I will probably have sore muscles all weekend.

One of the dumb comments I quote above profiles a “normal” loner female as one who just travels all the time. Well, I do like to travel. It’s just about the only thing I like to do away from home–I even shop via the internet most of the time. I’m going to Chicago next week, and I’m looking forward to it. I’m looking forward to my trip to Michigan in September even more. If I had the money, all I’d do is go to different cities and countries–even my mother said that about me when we were talking about what I’d do with my money if I won the lottery.

Notice that Psychology Today points out Matsuoka’s “good, close friends.” Again, being a loner does not mean you don’t have friends, and it doesn’t have to mean you can’t sustain/build relationships. Personally, I do see myself growing old alone. As someone who doesn’t make an effort to meet people or to socialize with the people I do meet, and then makes too much of an effort with the people who get close to me, it makes sense that I’d be alone whereas it doesn’t make sense for most people. That doesn’t mean I can’t build something that lasts if there were someone out there for me.

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Forced Socializing At Work

Last year, I wrote about how I did a little online research to find out exactly how introverts are perceived at work, and I responded to some of the opinions I found online in this post. One of the points I made is about how employers seem to be incorporating personalities and being sociable into work environments, which is quite disadvantageous to introverts.

One thing employers like to do nowadays is force socializing. For example, sometimes you have after-work parties and everyone is expected to be there. The thought that someone wouldn’t want to be there never crosses the organizer’s mind. The job I had prior to my last job–the one I had while I wrote the post to which I link above–forced socializing at times. I remember on my last day working there, the other techs had been called into one of the owners’ office to talk about some after-work holiday party–either Thanksgiving or Christmas, can’t remember. As if you don’t spend enough time with people at work…yeah, you really want to show up after work to hang with them some more.

And not long before I left that place, there was some other little thing forced on us…I can’t remember why, but we were all expected to bring a dish–not even just bring one, but actually cook it. Oh, yeah, it was a Potluck. Fuck that schitt, man–I don’t cook. But the b!tch who organized it would have been pissed if I declined to bring something, because she was precisely that type of woman. In fact, I think she sent me and a few other people an email after a while because we hadn’t signed up yet, and, if I remember correctly, in the email she claimed we didn’t have to bring anything. But you could tell–we were indirectly being pressured. You better believe I headed to Kroger, purchased a little thingy of potato salad, put it in a plastic tupperware container as if I had prepared it and was done with those b!tches.

This was that place where everyone I worked with was white, and I noticed cultural differences all the time. This Potluck was one of those times. For some reason, the old[er] non-tech bitties and I ended up talking about how my father is a better cook than my mother and how my mother almost never cooks. They started with all this crap like, “Oh, my gosh, a woman who doesn’t cook…how do you keep a man” or whatever they said, but that was basically the gist. They couldn’t fathom a woman not cooking. And this is cultural both racially and generationally. I’m not saying black women don’t cook, but black women are more often the sole breadwinners, make more money than their husbands or just have some sort of job that keeps her out of the home. This is not how white households are. A lot of older white women are housewives or have somewhat of a housewife mentality because they grew up with mothers who were housewives or during a time when a lot of mothers were housewives (where they lived). Ask a black woman, and if she’s being real with you she’ll let you know that most of us think being a housewife is one of the dumbest things we’ve ever heard.

Black women have too much going on to cook all the time, and their roles often overlap that which has been traditionally thought of as “male roles”–especially more often than white women’s roles do (as I said, black women tend to make more money than their male counterparts and are also more likely to even be employed than their male counterparts are. Both of my sisters make more money than their husbands do–one of my sisters is her household’s sole breadwinner). And you also now have a generation of all kinds of women who want to be working professionals and will not even be home at dinner time, let alone cook it. Nevertheless, their comments kind of pissed me off. This is the kind of crap in which I’m forced to participate with these damn Potlucks and holiday parties and other nonsense I don’t want to attend.

So, this morning I just decided “thanks, but no thanks” and skipped the stupid little breakfast party that my co-worker Linda told me about. I contemplated my childhood and how, whether I was around or not at certain things at school, no one really seemed to know or care. Why would anyone notice or care if I don’t go to this breakfast thing? I figured no one would give a schitt. And even if they did, I hadn’t been told this thing was mandatory, and you almost always get a pass when you can say “no one told me” or “I didn’t know.”

Oh…my…world…turns out almost everybody noticed and cared…including my manager. I could barely even listen to my music for all the people harassing me about why I wasn’t at the breakfast. That’s really all I wanted to do today–listen to music, get my work done and go home. I didn’t want to sit around fake-laughing at co-workers making fun of each other…um, co-workers who are pretty much all at least in their 30s, but they make fun of each other all day. Even the manager gets in on it. Gimme a break…The most peace I had all day at work was the hour they were all gone to breakfast. Plus, only certain people are allowed to make fun of me, and that doesn’t include anyone I barely know, like co-workers.

I was really wrong about how little people would care, too. For starters, turns out that while I was relieving a craving for Dr. Pepper, Linda told another co-worker to make sure he brings me to the breakfast. I didn’t know this at the time, so when he was insisting that I come with him and another co-worker, I was thinking, “Dude, what the hell…?” He just kept telling me to come with him and wanted to know why I didn’t want to go. The co-worker who was with him happens to be related to my manager, and I’m sure she heard me when I told this guy, “I’m not going to that.” I’m sure she heard the way I said it, too, and I would bet she told our manager.

Anyway, when the co-worker responsible for bringing me to the breakfast came back, he told me Linda had food at her station. My friend/co-worker Clara kept telling me about food that was left over. It was like these people were trying to make me eat. My co-worker Corey, with whom I worked on a project last week, said something to me about not going to the breakfast. He tries to make me eat, as well, because I told him that I never eat breakfast and almost never eat lunch. He probably thinks I’m anorexic, but I definitely don’t look it. Linda acted almost horrified that I didn’t go and wanted to know if my co-worker had told me about it, where it was located, etc–that’s how I found out she told him to bring me.

And, of course, my manager said something about it. He basically let me know indirectly that garbage like that is mandatory for social reasons and that I should be at the next one. Why is stuff that people at work think up as ways to have “fun” mandatory? “Fun” and “mandatory” don’t go together, and that’s why my job is just my job to me. It has nothing to do with socializing, and, to me, it shouldn’t. Jobs are about making a living, paying for stuff that is actually fun (like my upcoming trip to Michigan to see my alma mater beat our rival Notre Dame) and paying bills; otherwise, I wouldn’t be working. See? Mandatory, not fun. That’s why all I think about at work is getting my work done, listening to music (to help me get through un-fun work) and going home. I’m not thinking about food or hanging with co-workers. (And yes, I do know work is not 100% mandatory…see the “housewife” stuff above.)

Clara and Linda didn’t let it go, either. Clara asked me again later why I didn’t go to the breakfast, and I just told her I didn’t think anyone would notice. She said that not that many people work in our area at work, so people would notice. But, I pointed out to her, I only really communicate with her at work (so why would others notice if I’m not there?). She took that as my saying that I didn’t go because I wouldn’t have anyone to talk to, which is part of it but not the point, and she said I could have sat by her.

I know that, to many people, socializing is the way they deal with un-fun, mandatory work. And they can’t even begin to understand people like me who just want to work, just want to listen to music and don’t want to go to social events or stand around half the day talking. And, for me, it’s not even about not liking my co-workers–I like most of them, and I’m fine with them one-on-one. But a room full of them, where we’re expected to socialize for an hour, is not my idea of a good time. I don’t really think it’s any introvert’s idea of a good time. It’s actually more anxiety-producing than anything else. That’s what I don’t think people understand when they come up with these work social events.

Whatever people might think about this communication style, I speak to people who speak to me…meaning if someone doesn’t initiate a conversation with me, we’re not going to have a conversation. There are very few exceptions. Some of it is just not being interested in talking to most people. Some of it is a lack of social skills. But some of it is, again, thinking back on my childhood. For example, when I was growing up, if some people were having a conversation and you inserted yourself into it–let’s say these are black people–oftentimes one of them would say something like, “Ain’t nobody talking to you!” Or “This is an A and B conversation–C your way out.” White people might just look at you like you’re crazy.

So, I’ve realized over the last few months that I believe people shouldn’t enter conversations unless they’re invited to do so. Something has changed over the years, because now if you don’t go up to people and just start talking, people want to know why you never speak to anybody.

Now I’m just wondering how I’m going to be able to tolerate the next social event at work. After I spoke with my manager, I thought about how I hope my job doesn’t have another one of these things before I move on to another job. Unfortunately, because of this trend where work and social life are expected to intertwine, the problem is not going to go away, nearly regardless of where I work. It’ll probably just get worse…until someone comes up with “Sensitivity Training In the Workplace” geared towards understanding and working with introverts.

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Women Who Don’t Have Female Friends

Earlier this week I found these blog posts about women who say they don’t have female friends. It reminded me of a discussion forum I found online some time ago with a similar discussion about women who say they don’t get along with women. In both cases, the discussion about these women was negative and full of assumptions about women who say these things.

I wanted to post earlier this week some thoughts about this, but exhaustion, laziness and difficulty organizing my thoughts in any sort of articulate manner have kept me from doing so. And I still don’t necessarily feel that I can quite articulate my thoughts, because my thoughts have not continued fully forming on this.

Disclaimer: I didn’t read all the comments at the link above, but I did read about half of them.

If I were going to make either of those two statements–“I don’t have female friends” or “I don’t get along with women”–it would be that I don’t get along with women. But I’m not sure that’s accurate. When I was in law school, there were a lot of women I got along with. And some women won’t appreciate my writing this, but my observation was that women who attend law school or who practice law tend to be more logical and less emotional than other women are, though that’s not always true. I think my communication style is in between that of the average woman’s and the average man’s, for lack of a better way to put it…but it’s still too different (harsh) from what most women appreciate, and it can cause issues.

That’s not an insult or a way of putting women down, either, but I think sometimes it has been interpreted that way. I understand it sometimes because I have to deal with men’s communication styles, too, and I can hear how being too straightforward sometimes, for example, and/or using a certain tone of voice can be bothersome. I guess that part of what I’m saying is that I met more women in law school than I have any other time of my life who could handle my communication style, which does tend to be very honest, direct, unemotional and not always thinking about your feelings.

I also met more women in law school than anywhere else who do not keep up drama. And I’m talking about women my age, because my ¬†personal experience has been that women cause drama with other women within their age range. I have heard stories where this hasn’t been true, but, for me, I’ve never really had issues with older women. Law school just seemed to be full of women who felt good about themselves and secure and, thus, there were less problems with them. They were intelligent women who were on the track to good careers, and they usually had good personalities. What was to feel insecure about? I think it’s a little hard to find women like that.

Let me put this another way:

Women who feel good about themselves don’t…cause…problems. You can be friends with them as another woman, as long as you feel good about yourself, too.¬†

The problem, I think, is that the majority of women don’t feel good about themselves. I think the older women get, the more it changes for them. But for women 30 and younger–maybe even 35 and younger nowadays–definitely, the majority of them don’t feel good about themselves. Our society has seen to it that women grow up not feeling good about themselves. This is where I’d have to disagree with the implication that every single woman who says “I don’t have female friends” or “I don’t get along with women” is the problem, is self-hating, is “male-identified” or whatever else negative you want to say about that woman. I think it’s certainly fair to say that sometimes, yes, the woman making these statements is the problem or she just seeks male attention or whatever. But the thing I’ve noticed is women who are obviously confident and comfortable tend to draw negative attention from other women who are insecure because those women are jealous, threatened or just completely perplexed by this woman who feels good about herself. There are also certain communities that have certain issues that almost immediately bring up at least some tension between women. More on that later.

There’s a quick distinction that must be made. Everyone has things he/she is insecure about, things where his/her self-esteem is not that high. That’s different from having an overall low self-esteem or overall issues with insecurity. I don’t think I’m physically attractive, and I never will. But I feel good about who I am because I know I’m intelligent, talented, a good person and so on. I see so many women who seem to think they’re attractive, but it kind of seems as if they don’t think there’s anything else to them. Or there are women for whom nothing is good enough about them, including their looks or bodies. But the biggest thing with women, I’d say, is more than half of heterosexual ones strike me as not thinking they’re complete or good enough if they don’t have a man or a husband. And then some of those get a man or a husband and it doesn’t resolve their issues with themselves because now they’re worried about keeping him or other women taking him and whatnot.

But when I really sit down and think about me and the desire to say “I don’t get along with women,” I realize it doesn’t exactly stem from anything in my modern life–it’s all based on my childhood and teenage years. I could easily say “I don’t have female friends,” but, as I wrote a long time ago here, I really don’t have any friends due to my definition of what friendship is. For me, friends are people who are there when you need them. Catching up with each other once or twice a year or every few months is not that, to me. I understand people grow up and have lives, get married, have kids, move away, etc. But you’re either there for each other or you’re not. People who are not there for me and I’m not there for them when things are going on–how do you call that friendship? It’s more so that kind of thing as to why I don’t have female friends, not necessarily that “I don’t get along with women” or don’t have anything in common with them.

But, for whatever reason, I didn’t get along with women when I was younger–except they were girls then, not women. And I think that was part of the problem. And let’s face it–black girls have issues with each other. When I was a kid in school, I was always the lightest black female, the one with the longest hair and the one with the most money. All three of those things are touchy issues in the “black community,” i.e. skin color, hair and social class. Some of those things more so than they are now were immediate dividing lines–I think social class among blacks still is. They cause immediate assumptions on both sides of the line. I was also nerdy and wimpy, and I think girls look for and spot the weakest chick among them to target–especially nowadays.

And then when I became a teenager, I had slightly different issues which are not that different from issues I have today. I wrote a popular post about introverts and extroverts at work, in which I wrote about how I only speak to people who speak to me. I’ve been that way for years, including–to a lesser degree–in high school. I mentioned briefly that it especially seems to bother black people. My observation today is that most black people aren’t introverts and don’t get the concept. It’s like it doesn’t exist to black people, just like being gay doesn’t exist to a lot of black people. You either interact with black people, or you’re stuck-up or want to be white, and that’s that. So that’s what I started getting as I got older from blacks, especially black women, i.e. stuck-up and/or want to be white. That was really the only issue I had with women in college or law school, and that was, of course, with some of the black women.

I usually didn’t and don’t have issues with non-black women, although my white co-worker has obviously been a huge exception. But I was never truly able to be friends with non-black girls when I was growing up because we essentially weren’t allowed to be friends. A lot of parents around here were just racist, so I almost never was invited to hang out with white or Asian girls outside of school. Nowadays, I would say it’s not a matter of getting along with non-black women so much as just feeling a big cultural divide. It’s hard to explain it, but black women and white women are [usually] different in so many ways, and the fact that most white women really seem to have no idea the depths of the differences makes it worse for me. I used to have several good white female and/or Asian female friends, but I’m at a point where I’m too exhausted of the differences and having to talk about them vs having friends who already know…things.

So, I think the past has something to do with my not having female friends and sometimes thinking I don’t get along with women. I haven’t necessarily judged all black women to be a certain way or all white women to be a certain way so much as I’m just tired of the same schitt (told ya in the introverts/extroverts post that I have low patience, low tolerance) and don’t feel it’s worth it to make an effort. I was tired in high school, and that’s how I became “anti-people” and “I don’t speak to people unless they speak to me.” And now that’s just who I am.

A few other interesting points related to objections to statements from women such as “I don’t have female friends,” “I don’t get along with women,” “I have more in common with men” and “I relate to men more”:

-I think saying men and women are not that different is PC bullschitt. Men and women are different, whether it’s because of society or biology or a mix. It’s fine to admit that. It’s not the same as saying masculinity is better.

-Just because a woman thinks she relates more to men or has more in common with guys doesn’t mean she’s just seeking male attention. I have said things like this before, and I’m a lesbian. I am not trying to be “one of the guys” just so I can be the female center of attention or get boyfriends. Any time an intelligent woman says she relates more to guys than women, it’s for lack of a better way to express that she tends to find more men who share her interests than women. Again, whether it’s because of society or biology, men and women are not often totally on the same page when it comes to interests. Again, that’s fine–it doesn’t make one better than the other. Personally, I’d love to find even just one woman who can talk football all day–I really would. Sure, there are women out there who like football. It’s not even unusual to find women who love football. I just simply have never known another woman who lives and breathes football, though, or who even just likes to sit around and have the equivalent of a lengthy “intellectual” discussion/analysis about sports. The closest I get to that is guys.

Friendship between men and women and between women and women is different, too, and I prefer the dynamic I’ve experienced with male friends more. The sports thing is a great example. Sitting around talking sports is so not an emotional connection you’re making with someone. In other words, unless the guy is interested or you’re interested in him (or you’re like brother/sister)–or at least this is how it’s been for me–a friendship between a guy and a girl is not emotional, and it’s not close. Especially when I was younger, female friendships always seemed to carry the expectation or the reality of closeness. Even now, I sit around upset because I wonder where my female friends are when I need them. I’d never think that about a guy friend–that’s just not how our friendships work. I don’t look to guys for emotional support, but they do tend to have your back, which I wouldn’t call “support” so much as “loyalty” and/or “trust.” There’s a lot less fuss and muss. For me, guys are for sitting around and just shooting the breeze–often about unimportant stuff–whereas women are for much deeper friendships.

The more simplistic your relationship is with someone, the less problems the two of you have with each other–that’s what I like about my friendships with guys. And that’s not to say women can’t have simplistic, shallow friendships with each other–they can and do. I just don’t feel like we’re taught that, though (think about all the movies and TV shows featuring a group of good, close friends), and I don’t feel like that’s usually what women really want from each other as friends–at least not when they’re young and single. That usually leaves one woman in the friendship upset about what she’s not getting out of the friendship. I’m as guilty as any woman on this one because, as mentioned, I see female friends as being for deeper friendships. But those friendships are harder, as well.

-It’s always funny how many women talk about these women who don’t have female friends, then they try to excuse themselves and talk about why their situation is different. Why do you get to be different? What makes you think some of these women you’re putting down don’t have perfectly reasonable excuses, too? Assumptions, assumptions. And I understand that some of the women over at the blog link try to make a distinction between women who seem proud of not having female friends and other women who don’t have female friends, but it seems like a half-hearted attempt as evidenced by the number of times they equate saying “I don’t have female friends” with automatically not liking women or not liking to be women without any qualification. As far as I read, they also failed to state or point out that saying you don’t have female friends sometimes is…well…simply a statement of fact.

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Giving Up On Love, the New Norm?

This past weekend, I was looking through threads on a forum that I visit every now and then. Without giving away what type of forum it is, I will say that it is frequented by people who are introverts. I ran across a thread that basically asked how everyone there planned to ¬†find love, given their age and personality (this was, I think, the 30+ section). A pretty good percentage of the people who responded–and many did–gave some version of the first thing that came to my mind for myself:

“I don’t.”

In other words, a lot of people there had “given up.” And because of the type of people who visit this forum, this was probably the only place I’ve seen where you can say you’ve given up and you have way more responses of agreement than the typical (and cheesy) “you’ll find someone when you’re not looking” or “there’s someone out there for everybody” and all the other garbage that people who have given up don’t want to hear/read. Sure, there was a little bit of that. But in general, it was person after person who believes he or she will be single forever and doesn’t plan to do anything about it. As I said, given their personality type, these people probably won’t do anything about it. This is not to say they will remain single and won’t find love, but not doing anything decreases your odds–especially if you’re a guy (because guys are still expected to be the approacher and women still approach men less than men approach women).

I got to thinking about what that thread might mean, and I did a little internet search for support.

My theory? More and more people are giving up on finding love. 

What might this mean?

Well, in the US over the past 20 years or so, we had reached a point where–as far as marriage is concerned–something that was less common became, essentially, the norm. That something is divorce. I’m starting to think the new wave of what’s normal, as far as marriage is concerned, will be less and less people getting married, more and more people being on their own. While seeing that a lot of people are out there proclaiming “I give up” sparked this belief, there are many other things out there that probably will play a role in this theory becoming reality, if it ever does.

Some of these things are complicated and ironic to think about–in particular, the increase in interracial dating/marriage and the increase in the number of people understanding that they’re not heterosexual. Although I do believe that gay marriage will be legalized throughout much of the US in a relatively short period of time (when you think about other “civil rights movements”), there are still other complications with that–the difficulty of finding gay partners vs straight ones, the number of people who still won’t feel comfortable coming out of the closet but don’t want to enter into a heterosexual union and so on. And interracial relationships, however un-PC it comes off to some people to point this out, work in the favor of certain racial and sex groups to the detriment of others. Certain groups seem to be gaining a wider net of options while others seem to be losing options. It’s complicated, so I’ll leave it at that.

I could also, perhaps, point to people who have been married and divorced and just don’t ever want to get married again or think marriage is not for them. Or people who have “learned a lesson” by looking at their parents and their failed marriage(s). And, of course, there are people who get fed up with relationships or being rejected.

Obviously, a lot of people who say they give up are full of crap. Like…these people who are 19 or 20 years old talking about “I’ll never find someone” when they’ve barely been out of diapers. But the older people who say this have a lot more power to set my theory into motion, because if there are a lot of people out there who feel this way and, thus, will not approach anyone or get on online dating sites…this will affect other people, will it not? Maybe it causes other people to give up, for one thing. It certainly can keep connections from being made…unless, of course, you’re the type of person who either believes in fate or who believes that pretty much no one who “gives up” actually gives up.

Personally, I’m thinking that I just need a reality check every now and then, and that’s why I never can completely steer clear of “love.” It’s like that thing that we all have–maybe a friend or a previous job or, even, an ex–that we ditched for a pretty good reason, and then at some point we think back or even go back because we couldn’t remember why we left in the first place. That’s the only purpose romantic relationships seem to serve for me, at least at this point in my life–they remind me of why I try to steer clear of relationships. I have not been sufficiently brainwashed by society, I don’t think, to keep trying out relationships for the more romanticized reasons. I start pretty much every relationship or emotional attachment knowing it’s not going to work for whatever reason. Most of the time in my life, I don’t even want a relationship. Rarely have I ever wanted to be married.

So, I’d recently gotten my necessary reminder, and I’d been keeping it at the forefront of my mind. This was cool, until my mother recently starting making a point that gives me pause–who is going to take care of me when I get older?

This, along with money, are the only things that ever scare me about being single forever. I know this seems unbelievable, selfish or both to a lot of people. But these are the two things that make me think, “Whoa, maybe I really do need to find someone.” Although I would honestly guess that money being a motivator is not unique for a lot of people, especially [heterosexual] women. I’m just not sure how much of finding someone to be with is about that for these people and how much is about more romanticized notions.

But for me, the thing is if I were making a good amount of money, I wouldn’t worry about this. I would simply be able to pay for really good care. But since I likely will be poor all of my days (if for no other reason than student loans), I do have to think about what my life will be like in a couple of decades. I’ve also realized by looking around that being single literally doesn’t pay. There are people who make what I make, and they have a house, a car, independence and can, more or less, pay all of their bills…because they’re married to someone who is also bringing in money. If this is not the case, then you have to be partnered up with someone in some way to make it. One of my co-workers has a roommate. I live with my parents. At least in the US, it is becoming more and more impossible to get by here as a single person. It’s too expensive living and being single. You have to have more than one income, especially if you’re a woman (because we still get paid less or do jobs that pay less than jobs that tend to attract more men).

With the way that morons are destroying the country, it will only become even harder to live here. Republicans want to get rid of any governmental assistance…stuff like social security, unemployment benefits, medicaid. And it will probably happen, or those programs will provide less than they currently do. And Democrats seem to talk the talk but leave everything status quo, whether it’s because Republicans veto everything they think will help or because they just don’t know what to do or–like all other politicians–are just flatout full of schitt…or, if you’re Obama, because you’d rather be out at lowly NCAA Tournament games between 16 seeds (I mean, dude is neglecting his job not even for the national championship game–it was 16 seeds playing to officially get into the the Tournament. And the game itself was horrible, btw–not even worth his time).

For the first time, I am really starting to see why some people look for someone who has money. I might have to give this more consideration.

In the meantime, I am back to thinking about something I’ve thought about a few times before–an arranged marriage. I’m thinking maybe I should just grab a guy I can tolerate and ask him for a business-like marriage. I’m sure there’s a gay guy out there I can talk into this. The only problem is I can’t make this type of marriage work any better than I could make a marriage-for-love work. A business arrangement carries the very real possibility that one of us will actually meet someone we want to be with and want out of the arrangement. There’s no guarantee this person will take care of me when I need it most, nor is there a guarantee that I will always have this person’s money to help me out.

Hmmm, marrying financially well is looking better and better as I type this…especially a rich old man. ūüėČ

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