Tag Archives: fit

Feeling Guilty About Leaving My Employer

So, it’s been a while, I know.

No, I haven’t left my job yet, but it’s just a matter of time. I am in line for an opportunity to work in IT at a fortune 500 company. It’s a company that a lot of people, especially where I live, would absolutely love to get into. It’s really hard to get a job there. Hell, it’s really hard to get an interview there. It has always seemed from the outside like you need to know someone in order to get an interview or job there. So, it definitely might not work out, but I have been contacted about the position. I looked at the job ad before I spoke with someone about the position, and then I went to look at it after the conversation to check some information in it. The job ad had been removed. So, maybe that is a good sign.

The best part for me, though, is I’d be going back to doing the kind of work I love doing, which is completing repairs on electronics. As far as I know, I will not be dealing with asshole clients. So far, it seems a lot like it will be like my old job, except that it will be at a far more reputable company with far more opportunities. Hopefully, the company’s being nationally and internationally recognized means it is run way better than my previous job was. Trust me, you have heard of this company, especially if you live in the US. I don’t think a company can be what this company is and have a bunch of idiots in charge at my city’s location like my previous job did, but I could be wrong. That and the hours I worked were really my main problems with my previous job, or else I’d still be there. These would be stable, set hours, rather than variable, unstable hours like my previous job expected me to work.

This job is also closer to home than where I work now is.

So far, it seems like exactly what I’ve been looking for–a really good fit.

The job I have now has pretty much never been a good fit. Still, I feel guilty for leaving, which it inevitably seems that I will–and not just in the next few years, but probably within the next few weeks or, at most, the next few months. I know all the reasons why I shouldn’t feel guilty, but I just do. For the most part, I have been treated pretty well there. They just gave me a raise maybe a month ago. I like most of the guys I work with, and I love talking sports with them–this despite the fact that I blog about sports on nearly a daily basis.

For the most part, I just don’t like the actual job. I also can’t get over the poor training I received, and I see it as something that will haunt my “career” as long as I work at this place, i.e. it will keep affecting me and my work there. I also know that I can’t be happy in any job at which I’m not one of the best workers there, and I will never be one of the best workers where I currently work–partially because several people have been there years and years longer and partially because of the poor training I received, but I also didn’t come to the table with a lot of the same type of tech knowledge the people with whom I work have (which was okay with my employer, but it’s a disadvantage, in my opinion). I don’t like constantly feeling unsure of what I’m doing. And dealing with assholes goes without saying.

So, I do think I need to leave. I know this is not at all the job for me.

But I feel guilty because I know this is bad timing. There’s a big project going on, and I know there are a few people trying to take off work in the next couple of weeks. They will also have to hire someone to replace me, and hiring someone and making a smooth transition is not going to take two weeks (i.e. if I give two weeks notice to “help” them, which I’m not sure I’ll be able to give). It didn’t take me two weeks to be ready to perform my job. Plus, they have to find time to “train” the new person, and that will be hard to do in the middle of this big project. Really, my leaving will create extra work for some of the people there, including some of the people I really like and who have helped me a lot, and it might even keep some of them from being able to take time off they’ve already planned or scheduled.

I didn’t feel guilty quitting my last job because I felt I was largely treated like crap and under-appreciated there. Plus, I was one of the best workers there, but because they had so many people there and were always hiring people I was still easily/quickly replaceable. In fact, I haven’t felt guilty about leaving any other position except this one. I know they have had people quit after a relatively short period of time before, which is another source of discomfort for me, but I don’t know if it was poor timing like this.

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I Like People Who Eat Junk Food

When I first started this blog, I wrote one post that discussed work culture and I wrote another post in which I mentioned how people at my job talk a ridiculous amount about drinking alcohol. Talking about drinking seems to be part of my job’s cultural environment.

Another annoying thing that I’m noticing about my job’s cultural environment is that a lot of people there…gosh, how do I explain it…have a problem with junk food. See, someone is always bringing food to work for everyone to eat. It’s a nice thing about working at this place, but it’s yet another big cultural difference between me and everyone else there…because I’m not about to spend money on anyone there or bring food in for the entire suite. Yes, this probably means I shouldn’t eat anything anyone else brings in. But…oh well.  Anyway, most of the time it’s some form of junk food.

This means that half the suite is either not going to eat it, or they’re going to dance around the food and talk about how bad it is that someone brought it in, how tempted they are, how they shouldn’t eat it …and then eat it. Do I even need to mention this part–everyone I’m describing is a woman. There are guys there who won’t eat it, either, because they don’t eat junk food. But they don’t do the little dance that some of the women do, and they don’t act tortured like some other women do. Us female tech geeks are probably the only ones who don’t dance around the food or act tortured, but for different reasons. The female tech geek with whom I work is like the guys who just say “I don’t eat junk food.” I don’t dance around or act tortured because…hell, truth be told, I probably eat more junk food than anything else. That’s not always true, but it is these days.

I’ve grown up around white people all of my life, and I started noticing in college that many white women, in particular, have this sort of tortured relationship with food. It’s something I don’t really see with black women, and there have been a couple of times when I’ve mentioned this to a white woman and she has a black example to “show” me it’s not just white women or that some black women are like that or that the majority of women are like that. Of course, the one white woman whom I can remember doing this was from California and was, thus, talking about black women from CA. Somehow, I can’t help but feel this doesn’t count since people from CA are kind of…well…shall we say, at least a little bit more shallow than the rest of us. Still, I am sure there are black women who primarily eat healthy, will rarely eat junk food and who freak out when they see junk food. I just don’t know any black [American] women well who are like that. Consequently, admittedly, there are more of us who are overweight, and black women on the whole probably have more health problems (which is not just correlated with weight and eating habits).

My point today is not about weight or health, though. My first point is that I don’t understand. When there’s a box of junk food sitting there at work and one of my white female co-workers comes around, looks at me, looks at the junk food, looks at me again and starts the little dance…I don’t get it. It has been a long time since I denied myself anything I wanted to eat, so I don’t relate to it. And I’m not entirely sure I’ve ever danced around food I wanted to eat, so I don’t get that, either. And I think they think I get it because I’m a woman and they’re women. But that’s the other thing I don’t get. Look at me. How often do I look like I say no to junk food? These are three things that I’ve wondered about white women for years–why are they so much more strict about food than black women are, what on earth are they thinking when they’re whining about food to someone who weighs more than they do and what do they think when they see all these overweight black women.

My other point is that, regardless of the mentality a lot of people have about people being overweight and unhealthy, I just have a natural fondness for people who unashamedly enjoy food. It is just refreshing, especially the way things are today, to encounter people who eat what they want (including junk food), weigh what they weigh and don’t really worry about it. I understand the health risks, and I understand they are undisciplined. I understand it’s a strain on health care. But I think that my irritation with people who dance around food and show too much concern for weight, dieting–or whatever their problem is–is that I perceive them as being the ones who are somehow unhappy with who they are, while my fondness for people who eat what they eat and weigh what they weigh and are unapologetic about it is that they appear to like who they are. I also perceive the former–when they’re doing things like looking at someone such as myself while whining about junk food–as indirectly expressing dissatisfaction with certain types of people.

See, for me, if someone wants to be healthy or thin, that’s that individual’s own business. It’s one thing to complain about your weight to everyone but continue to eat poorly. The pounds are not going to just fall off over night with little to no effort, and no one wants to hear you complain when you’re not taking steps to change. But if someone is overweight and happy with who he is, let him be happy. If someone is thin and happy with who she is, let her be happy. If someone primarily eats junk food, that’s her business. If someone primarily eats organic food, that’s his business. We don’t have to understand each other when it comes to diet, but I think we should let more people be without all the negative judging when it comes to weight and eating. And more people need to be happy with who they are instead of feeling they have to panic every time they see certain types of food. Remember, your looks are not who you are.

At my job among all the thin, dancing white women who think they can’t even eat one sweet (but they can go out and get drunk–have seen this one for years and have never been able to figure it out), there’s this huge white guy who is always the first to roll confidently up to any food brought in by someone in the suite. When someone brought in doughnuts, this guy said, “I’m going to get two, because I’m a fat ass.” I just thought, “That dude is awesome.” He is fat, he’ll probably always be fat…and he’s fine with himself. He might not live to be 80, but, as overrated as life is, he’s probably cool with that. I know I am.

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Stuff You Probably Don’t Understand About Hotels

The week just started and I already need to get away from my job. Today was one of those “anything that can go wrong” days.

So, I’ll take you back to my first full-time job upon my last graduation. This is the kind of post that makes me wish I had a lot of readers, because this is must-read material here.

See, my first job after law school was working the front desk at a hotel. Like a bunch of other law school grads nowadays, I couldn’t get a job practicing law or even being a paralegal. Student loans were either deferred or close to coming off deferral/forbearance, so I no longer had time to play. I needed a job. This was kind of before I figured out that I wanted a career in information technology.

I wanted to do something easy and incorrectly figured that working in a hotel would be it, especially at night. I wanted to work night audit, which involves some accounting-type of stuff and is also basically like being a night manager, and I was told when I was hired that I could work 40 hours doing night audit. Er…found out in training, though, that the manager had told almost everyone they hired (this was a new hotel that hadn’t even opened yet) that they, too, could work night audit and get 40 hours. Apparently, I was the only one who noticed this and realized that there was no way this could be true, and I brought it up to the assistant manager.

Long story short–ended up with about 30 hours working pretty much every shift, which basically made me a regular front desk worker who checks guests in and checks guests out except on the weekends when I worked night audit. My schedule was all over the place, except for the weekends (until I eventually got on night audit full time).

That’s when I started to see that front desk workers don’t just check guests in, check guests out, deal with payment and book reservations.

See, prior to having to work full time, I used to travel quite a bit. I still go a couple of places a year and often end up staying in a hotel. When I go to Michigan, I stay on the University of Michigan campus at the law quad most of the time, which is like staying at a hotel that doesn’t have everything a normal hotel has. The reason I thought working front desk at a hotel was easy is because my hotel stays have always included minimal contact with front desk staff. I would speak to them to check in and check out–that’s it. My parents were basically the same way whenever we traveled when I was a kid. I had no idea that this wasn’t how other people operated.

I was so blown away by stuff hotel guests do and say and expect until I sat down one night and started coming up with a list of things hotel guests need to get through their heads. I came up with over 10 things, but this was years ago and several laptops ago. When I saved the most important files off my other laptops, I guess I forgot the list existed and failed to save it. But for you…I still remember some of these things that I must pass along to you travelers, plus probably some additional ones.

1) Don’t leave home without knowing where you’re going. I am not sure I can really think of a good enough excuse to have to call the hotel and get help with finding them. There’s GPS on phones and in cars. There’s google and mapquest both on phones and on computers/laptops. There are even–my father’s favorite–old school maps! But, most of all, why would you go to a completely different city–especially if you’ve never been there before–and not have mapped out  exactly how to get from point A to point B? You’re asking for bad things to happen to you.

2) If the hotel has working computers, for crying out loud, use them. What is the sense of coming to the front desk and asking them to look up stuff for you if the hotel has a “business center” or computers available for your use? Better yet, don’t the majority of you bring cell phones with internet access and/or laptops? It seems as if some of you just don’t think front desk workers have enough to do, so you take it upon yourself to give them busy work. Cut it out.

3) By the same token, if you’re not staying at a luxury hotel, don’t ask them to call anybody for you. I don’t get this staying at a Choice Hotel and asking front desk workers to call cabs, restaurants, pizza places or even the police for you. You have a phone in your room. Hell, you probably have a phone in your pocket. I think most hotels will act like this is the front desk’s job even if it has not been explicitly addressed. But I just don’t see how, in a cheap city like where I live now, treating you as if you should not have to lift a finger at all is included in a $59 or $69/night room…or how in, say, downtown Chicago, a $119/night Choice Hotel room means you should not have to lift a finger. Make your own damn restaurant reservations.

4) No, the front desk cannot control your next door neighbor. Oh, it’s 2am and somebody down the hall is being noisy? Tough schitt. Especially if you don’t want to move rooms. If you don’t want to move rooms, what are you calling the front desk for? Did you really think the front desk worker was going to leave his/her actual job behind–manning the front desk–to come up to your floor and tie some kid up or put tape over the mouths of some ghetto adults? No can do. Beyond calling up to the noisy person’s room and asking him/her to quiet down, there’s not much the front desk can do. And even that or going up to that person’s room usually doesn’t amount to anything. And, please…if you’re going to whine about someone being noisy and seriously expect an effort to be made to shut somebody up, know the noisy room number. Finally, threatening to call the police on noisy people…um, unless they are fighting, banging on your door, shooting and such…you’re just being a little bit dramatic.

5) Please learn this about every type of customer service worker, including but not limited to hotel front desk workers–if you can easily access the person, he/she is probably not that important. This means that this person makes very few decisions and has very little power. Hotel front desk workers often can’t do anything about your complaints, especially if you’re looking for stuff like free or reduced-price rooms because your stay was allegedly so awful, upgrades to suites and so on. And they usually are not at fault for the hotel being garbage in terms of the internet service, the breakfast served, the rooms or bathrooms not being clean enough for you, or anything else you can think of that’s wrong with your hotel stay.

6) In light of #5, save your damn tantrums–they won’t get you anywhere. And it’s not simply because the person with whom you’re throwing a tantrum is a scrub. Just because someone works front desk at a hotel does not mean you’re better or smarter than they are, and it doesn’t mean you get to take out however you feel for whatever reason on this person just because he/she can’t really say anything back to you. So, if a worker feels mistreated for these reasons, the worker is going to have an eff-you attitude when it comes to assisting you. There are people who serve people in some capacity every day who don’t seem to understand this. One of the guys at my job complains all the time about our tech support callers, and, yet, he was being an ass on the phone with a customer service worker who, I guess, screwed up some order of his. Personally, the way I respond to a customer or client depends on how pleasant and reasonable the client’s demeanor is. Some people think being an ass gets results. More often than not, though, workers avoid you and leave you on hold longer when you call or pass the call off to someone else, and the people who are in charge start to not care if they lose your business (while you’re threatening to take your business elsewhere, a lot of people are silently hoping you will so they won’t have to deal with you ever again, i.e. that’s not an effective threat). But I will jump through hoops for nice people.

7) Front desk workers are not babysitters. This means that they’re not just sitting at the front desk keeping an eye on your car. They are working. So, if something bad happens to your car, unless the front desk worker did it, it’s not the hotel’s fault (yes, my hotel was blamed for someone breaking into someone’s car). If a stalker boyfriend might come to the hotel and find you, no, the front desk can’t keep an eye out for him (yes, I’ve had requests similar to this one once or twice). If you’re just checking into the hotel and want to leave your car right in front of the hotel entrance (blocking traffic), no, the front desk can’t make sure nothing happens to it or to your belongings.

8) Don’t pay with a debit card. Don’t even book with one, if you can help it. Weird stuff sometimes happen with debit cards, which leads to bewildered or angry hotel guests and silly confrontations with hotel front desk staff in which the guest doesn’t believe anything the front desk worker says (and, of course, it’s all the front desk’s fault). Long story short–if you don’t want to get charged before you check out, especially if you don’t have enough money on your card, just pay cash or use a credit card (or switch to a debit card when you’re checking out and get your cash back if you paid cash…CCs will not have been charged). You might not have issues every time or at every hotel with debit cards, but save yourself the hassle that one time at that one hotel by just never using them. And while you’re at it, learn how to read your card statements correctly (i.e. there’s a difference between “pending charge” and an actual one, and just because there’s a pending charge doesn’t mean it will go through).

9) Maybe the most important thing I can teach you about hotels–hotel front desk workers are usually poorly hired and poorly trained. There’s a lot of turnover in hotels, and, though it seems that most jobs suck at training new employees, hotels particularly seem to not believe in training. They love to just throw a brand new person right on out there, and if the newbie is lucky he/she has been shown how to check people in, how to check them out, how to book reservations in the system and how to process payment. If the newbie is lucky. But considering that there’s an entire hotel layout–complete with a breakfast area and ice/drink machines–paid parking in the most major cities, specials and promotions, hotel booking websites like Hotwire that fax over reservations, different amenities in different bedrooms, guests who think the front desk staff is supposed to know any and everything about the hotel as well as the city, ways to handle certain situations and so on…newbies need way more than they get.

I don’t know what’s crazier–the fact that guests assume front desk workers know the local area like the backs of their hands or the fact that I’ve never known a hotel to include the local area in their training. The funny thing is managers will hire people who don’t know the area and this might be barely discussed in the interview, and then later on they’re kind of like, “Oh…XYZ doesn’t really know the area as well as she should…” And that’s not the only thing hotels screw up in hiring people. Hotels hire more bad fits for every single position they have–including manager–than probably any other industry. Because of the turnover and the fact that hotels are cheap–which leads to their not hiring enough workers, as well as their not doing everything they should to make their hotel meet customer expectations–they conduct quick interviews that don’t focus on the right things, such as customer service skills, the ability to calculate monetary change/prices/tax, and other areas that a particular manager might care a lot about (such as knowing the area well, if that’s important to that manager)…and then they are shocked when a front desk worker sucks or they can’t keep front desk workers for more than a few months. A lot of the time, it just seems as if they need someone and they grab the first person off the street. That’s not quite how it goes, but they do hire and put a new person at the front desk with the quickness.


So, after learning all of this and doing night audit, I was basically handed the keys to that first hotel in which I worked. It would have been my business, except I wouldn’t have been the owner. But I would have been running it by myself. All nine of the things I just listed probably had something to do with the reason why I didn’t accept the keys, but none was bigger than #9. For one thing, I knew I had no business running a hotel. I learned from working there that the manager/owner had no idea how to make the right hires, and I had not been trained at all on how to run a hotel and would have received very little guidance on that. So, instead of looking at “I’m getting a promotion” or “I’m getting more money,” I looked at my lack of knowledge of the hospitality industry, my lack of knowledge of management and of my lacking the type of personality to “run” anything. I also looked at how everyone who had that position before me failed, and that eventually ended up including the main manager/owner.

But I got great references from that job, though. And plenty of crazy stories. I will never look at hotel stays the same way again, though.

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Fitting In At Work…NOT

I used to have huge issues with how some employers focus on “fit” or “cultural fit” in the hiring process. And last year, I learned the hard way that how you “fit” plays a role in how you’re treated at work, not only by fellow co-workers but also by managers. Work environments seem to have shifted from focusing on how well someone can do his/her job to how likable they are. While I still have a problem with this, there is also more acceptance that this is how it is. That doesn’t mean I play that game, because I don’t really know how to play that game. One of the reasons why I attended law school and then ended up not practicing law is because I realized I’d have to spend my entire legal career pretending to be someone I’m not just to 1) get a job in the first place, 2) be treated fairly at my job and 3) keep my job. I don’t really know how to do that and don’t want to.

Unfortunately, I’m the type of person who has a personality that makes it hard to fit in culturally at most modern workplaces. I probably would have been fine 20+ years ago. I am the type of employee who comes to work early, works hard, tries my best to be the best, doesn’t like down time (detest it, actually), will accept extra work and will do very little complaining to higher-ups. I don’t spend time talking or dilly-dallying, and I won’t treat or talk to supervisors and managers as if we’re on the same level or try to be friends with them (except one time when it was invited). At work, I am focused on two things–doing my job and doing it well. I am very serious and very no-nonsense. Because of this, my ideal work environment is a very formal work environment.

I am finding that formal work environments are disappearing, though, especially in careers that aren’t super professional. I have worked one post-graduate job where my personality type was valued, and that place was run by non-Americans. I think Americans now believe that having less formal work environments is more employee-friendly, and that’s probably true for most Americans. But I also think it places an undue amount of importance on cultural fit, sometimes to the point of sacrificing having employees who are either really good or really want to be good vs having ones that just…well, fit in.

That’s one issue. There’s another one, two or five, really, though. Let me explain.

My last job and my new job are very nearly night-and-day different from each other, culturally. My last job’s work environment almost entirely consisted of black people. There was good and bad in this, to me, as someone who is black. Think of Detroit, Michigan. Think of the negative stereotypes people have about Detroit and people from Detroit. Okay, where I live is very much like those stereotypes and consists of a lot of people who fit those stereotypes. These are the people with whom I worked. I’m black, but if I had to pick which “type” of black person I more so resembled in personality/behavior–the Detroit stereotype or the Obamas–I’d unhappily have to go with the Obamas (because I think the Obamas are out-of-touch dorks). So, no, I didn’t fit in at work. It wasn’t just personality, but also education and socioeconomic class.

I also couldn’t help but notice that, though almost everyone was black at work and the city my job was in is majority black, almost everyone who had an important position at this place was white and male. I encountered a few people who, upon my telling them that the people who run that place have no idea what they’re doing, automatically assumed these were black people (because, you know, only black people have no idea what they’re doing when they run businesses…sarcasm, for those of you who are slow). No, dears–this business was being run into the ground by white men.

So, I escape to this new job. Everyone is white. Everyone. Aside from the training provided, the business is run very well. People know their jobs in and out, and they do their jobs well. They are not rude. Most of them are very friendly. I was kind of surprised they hired me due to the more shallow side of “cultural fit,” i.e. race and sex. But now that I work there, I am really surprised they hired me and almost actually think maybe they shouldn’t have. At the very least, I wonder what they were thinking about when they discussed my candidacy.

In the previous two posts, I have mentioned a little bit about socializing at my job. One key thing I mentioned is about how my boss appears to me to have some concern over the fact that I am not speaking to others and they are not speaking to me when she is in our area. The guys and I do talk to each other several times throughout the day. We do not communicate as much as they talk to each other. As I wrote, I am fine with this. I also indicated in my last post that I am especially quiet on Fridays, when my boss always wanders into our area several times, because I really don’t want to be at work and can’t wait for the weekend.

But let me be blatantly honest about the main reason why my co-workers and I don’t communicate as much as they do with each other.

I am a black female. They are, for the most part, a bunch of white guys. What are we going to talk about?

I realize that a lot of people out there like to act as if they believe people are people and we’re all the same. But I have predominantly grown up in white environments and…no, no, not really the same. Sorry. There are, for lack of a more accurate word, cultural differences between whites and blacks…especially depending on the race/sex mix of the people involved. I think the guys are great as human beings, and I am grateful that they have been so helpful to me so far and friendly. But–and they have said this about themselves directly to methey…are…DORKS. And I do not know how to say this without being offensive, but…most white guys I’ve encountered just are. Ultimately, it’s a matter of different strokes, different folks. Most white guys just like things most black women don’t, most white guys just like to discuss things most black women don’t, and most white guys think things are funny that most black women don’t. There will definitely be some things in common–I can speak with some of the guys there about football until the cows come home–but there will likely be even more things that aren’t in common between most white men and most black women. Sorry if you don’t agree or understand how this can be.

The funny thing is I think the guys with whom I work get this on some level–particularly as far as my being a woman and their being men. Because even white men and white women differ in terms of what’s funny and types of discussions and such, which is probably why the white female tech geek in my area hardly speaks, too. My boss maybe doesn’t get it, and she’s a white female. But the guys and I have an understanding, basically, that when they start talking about dumb stuff I will just ignore them and tune them out. I told them that I do this. They think that’s a great idea. They talk about dumb stuff, in my opinion, 90% of the time. That means 90% of the time, we’re not going to communicate with each other. I’m new–I’m not going to come in and demand that people who have been working there act differently, especially when I’m pretty fine with everything anyway. But I’m not going to pretend they are interesting or funny to me, either.

People at my new job talk an excessive amount about drinking and getting drunk. I went to predominantly white universities, and white students did this, as well. I can count on one hand the number of blacks I’ve met my entire life who have talked about drinking the way white people seem to. And all of them were black guys, and I think pretty much all of them were black guys who mainly hung around non-blacks. I’m not saying there aren’t “regular” black people who love to drink, just that I don’t know any (except my screwed-up brother-in-law, whom I’d really rather not know). I will drink beer every now and then, and I know blacks who drink every now and then. But good grief, we do not sit and talk every…single…day about drinking. So, I cannot contribute to–or, really, even tolerate too much–these incessant conversations. And I’m not saying all white people talk excessively and incessantly about alcohol–that’s not my point.

So, this brings me back to the issue of whether or not I should have been hired due to a lack of cultural fit. Well, all I have to say about that is, to me, the legal field–and probably usually the information technology field, as well–treats women and minorities as if THEY are the problem by not hiring them as much as they hire white men based on “fit.” As long as cultural fit is a factor, it’s pretty much always going to be used against minorities and oftentimes will also be used against even white women. To me, it should not be a matter of “fit” but a matter of who can do the job the best–every time.

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