Close To the End

Sometime last year, I believe it was, I intended to abandon my blog and even posted that I probably wouldn’t be adding posts. For some reason, I came back to it.

Now here we are again with the same thing–I’m thinking that I have a few more posts I want to put up, and then either I will continue blogging here privately, start anew somewhere else or stop altogether. I am leaning towards one of the latter two, as I am not feeling WordPress. I have started looking into other options a little bit.

There are probably two main reasons why I’m thinking of going private, somewhere else or stopping.

First of all…I’ve had at least two blogs before over the years, prior to this one…I have to say that blogging has changed quite a bit, not to mention the way people respond to blogs and what they expect from them has changed…and I liked it better the way it was before. I think WP, in particular, embodies some of my issues with it, and this is why I’d like to get away from WP. If there is something that fits me better and I find it, I might start up there. I find WP (or, more accurately, its culture) a little too–for lack of a better description–agenda-based and strategic. Blogs are becoming less about sharing or having a platform for expression, and more about making money, getting popular, starting/supporting a career or product/works…although some bloggers find their perfect combination of expression and money/popularity/career. It’s business-y. It’s increasingly impersonal. I understand using blogs as a marketing tool but just don’t like how it’s pushing other types of blogs to the bottom.

The other big thing in blogging is focusing on a particular topic, which I think often goes back more towards getting popular/hits. There’s not always anything wrong with this; one of the few blogs I read religiously is like this, even though the topic doesn’t quite apply to me (but the blogger personalizes it the majority of the time, and that’s what makes it interesting to me). But sometimes I feel like I’m in high school or a competition I didn’t intend to enter. It feels like the vast majority of “follows” I get are people trying to bring more attention to their blog. I might not have expected much interest when I started blogging and still really don’t, but I didn’t expect to be used, either…nor do I appreciate it. If I’m interested in what you’re selling (sometimes literally, selling), I will find you. My previous blogs were on Blogspot, albeit back in the day (over 5 years ago now since I abandoned the last one) when things were different, and/so I didn’t have the kind of issues there that I have with WP. But Blogspot has changed a ton–and not, in my opinion, for the better–as well.

For over a year now, I have often found myself wanting to read but not knowing what I want to read. Usually, I want a good book or something on my Kindle app. I used to love reading literature, reading about social issues…but I think those things have run their course with me. I think I’ve finally realized the problem is I am a little more interested in just reading about real people and real experiences. For a good book, I don’t know where to find that–there’s no genre called “People”…but there’s romance, business, finance, self-help, etc. I used to be able to find a good blog and find it in that, and it’s getting to the point where I can’t…at least not with the right combo of “good blog,” “good writing” and “not a teenager or might as well be a teenager” (i.e. often 25 or younger) with regular posts. There are online diaries and online journals, but those are usually very teenaged/might-as-well-be.

Second…since I am not one of those people who checks blog stats and visits, I am not sure who reads my blog. I feel confident that I have few regular visitors. That’s not the issue, but it does make it easy to feel okay with abandoning the blog or going private. The issue is that a long time ago I gave my link out to some people I know, back when I would have been perfectly fine with them reading it. I know almost for a fact some of them don’t read it–they are too into other things/people/self to ever stop by. It’s okay, because, at this point, I don’t want them to read it. But if it’s out there with the same url and public, they can read it any time they want to…so might as well not give them anything else to read. If I start a blog elsewhere, the link will not be posted here and I won’t be giving it to them. So, they can see stuff they theoretically already could have seen here, but nothing at the new spot or nothing privatized.

There are other people to whom I gave the link, and I don’t know if they read it and don’t want to know. I don’t want them to read it, either, at this point vs how I felt at the time, because I’ve put more thought into it and realized they have access to me in ways I don’t have access to them. I don’t mean in terms of how much I reveal so much as the fact that, possibly, I am even revealing anything to them vs what I get from them.

So, that’s that. I want to put up my last bit of advice on finding a job, so that will go up soon. There might be a couple more posts because there are things I’ve been thinking about posting. Then there will be the “Bye” post.

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