It’s starting to kill me.
I am so tired. I have been working all day, and it’s only going to get worse since football season is basically right around the corner.
Working two jobs was easier for me to handle when I worked overnight. I could do quite a bit of writing overnight, sleep during the weekdays and watch college football on the weekends and weeknights. I can tell that it’s going to be harder to handle working during the day. There’s not always enough downtime working during the day vs working at night, and since I have to support clients at my day job I can be interrupted at any moment and often am. And if a day is busy enough, I am usually not going to get any writing done at work. I never know ahead of time when those busy days will strike.
Probably the thing that makes this most difficult is the sports site I was hired to write for seems to be demanding. And maybe if the job were better, it’d feel worth it. But more and more, I regret taking the job. I really only took it because of the money (one of the few sports sites I could write for at this point and be paid for my work–it’s too much work to not be paid) and because they get a lot of readers, which means more exposure for me. At the same time, they mainly want us to write boring stuff like game previews, team previews, game picks–things I don’t typically write and don’t enjoy writing. I am really more of a columnist type. I like to respond to big stories in college football, big games, and just offer opinions and analysis on what’s happening. And I was told I could write things like that for my sports job, but that just doesn’t seem to be their main focus.
Plus, we’re expected to get the boring material done quickly, and I just don’t have that kind of time. I’m not some 20-year old who is sitting around on summer break from college with nothing to do but read and write about college football. Furthermore, that other writers there get stuff written quickly shows in the quality of their work, and I’m not for that. I’m not interested in throwing weak written material on the site just for the sake of getting reads and, thus, money generated. I want my name on quality material and accurate material. One of the writers for that site puts up a lot of stuff, but the other day the site owner received an email from the athletic department of a university about inaccuracies in the writer’s article. The site also doesn’t look as professional as I think it should, and I have reservations about being attached to something that just generally doesn’t meet the standards I think it should.
Unlike most people, I don’t work two jobs for the money (i.e. to pay living expenses) or to help pay down debt. I’m in debt for sure, but I accept it. I know there are other people who don’t want to do that. They try to live their lives in a way that will help them get out of debt. I’m the type of person who can’t live without material things that I desire or without quality time to just sit, think, be myself and be by myself. Working a lot just does not suit someone like me, and neither does living frugally. I’d rather be in debt the rest of my life than deprive myself. That’s just how I am.
So, for me to work two jobs, it has to not feel like work in some way. Unfortunately, my day job is my day job. It is to pay the bills. I can’t get around having a job I don’t like and would rather not be doing. But that’s partially where working in sports comes in. I love sports and I’d love to make sports my day job. But I have to get enough experience somehow and get my name out there, get my writing out there. Right now, it can’t be my day job. It just doesn’t pay enough right now. And usually, writing does not feel like work. Before I applied for and accepted this job at that sports site, I had started up my own blog–or, really, I had moved my blog from one site to another and, after months of not writing on it, started writing on it again. I like the work I do on that blog because it’s exactly the kind of writing I want to do. I also make very small revenue from it.
I’m starting to think I’d be better off just ditching the sports site I work for and just doing everything I can to make my sports blog popular so that I can do things my way, grow a large following on my own and generate more revenue. I think I can do it. Best of all, it won’t feel like work or like I’m back in school writing uninteresting papers on a deadline.
Money is not the issue in any way, except for replacing my day job. And right now, I don’t feel like I want to leave my day job anyway.
See, today I got a raise at work. A big raise. I was kind of surprised by how much they decided to give me. I didn’t ask for it. They’d told me when they were interviewing me for the job that they’d give me a raise after three months. And I’d been thinking about it lately since it is just past three months on the job, but I wasn’t particularly anxious to say anything about it because, as I said, money is not really a big issue for me. But they stuck to their word and informed me that I was receiving a raise. They basically told me that I will keep receiving raises in my current position. But they also told me I could learn a lot and move into positions there in which they will really pay me a lot of money.
I’d already thought about it and observed people in those other positions. It’s not anything I’d like to do. It would cut into that “me” time I need and want too much. But it’s funny how I’ve been sitting here writing that I hate people, don’t want to work with or deal with people and all that for weeks now, but the second I get more money at work and am told there’s more where that came from if I remain there and keep doing a good job…it makes me want to stick around. Will I still feel this way a month from now? Probably not. We’ll see. But this job will finance my living and leisure expenses just fine while I try to get a sports writing career off the ground.
In the meantime, I will go to bed after a day of researching, writing (mainly boring stuff) and serving clients…then get up tomorrow just to do the exact same thing.