Monthly Archives: July 2012

Bosses Exist To Make Your Job Harder

As far as bosses go, mine are not that bad. Most of the time when people complain about bosses, they’re complaining about personalities, i.e. the boss is just an ass. Mine are not assholes, but I have definitely realized that they just don’t “get” my job.

And this is how they make my job tougher than it already is.

Honestly, I don’t think I’ve worked anywhere the boss understood my job. I’m talking about full-time jobs, not internships.

Example via story:

So, I already deal with asshole clients daily, stupid clients daily and clients who complain about dumb things or things that aren’t my company’s fault daily. Tuesday seems to be the day of the week when we get more of these people calling or emailing.

I guess one of the owners decided that we don’t deal with enough bullshit and, consequently, decided to make changes to our email service. As you might know, people don’t like change. And any time you whip out something new, technology-wise, there are going to be glitches. That’s one reason why I won’t buy new tech gadgets when they first come out (as well as how expensive tech gadgets are when they first hit the market). As you might know, people don’t like glitches, especially when it affects their shit. This is most definitely true with email, which pretty much everyone really relies on. Obviously, working in tech support, I get all the fun of dealing with clients whining about these changes and these glitches.

I get it on this. The clients are not really the problem, for the most part. Frankly, I blame the owner, for the most part. And really, if I had my own business and was looking for email service for it, knowing what I know now, there’s no way I’d get that service through the company for which I work. I have never seen so many problems with email in my life, and this is coming from someone who used to use AOL as my primary email provider. AOL is now the second worst email provider I know of, after my employer. Yahoo sucks, too, but Yahoo’s main problem is you get TOO MUCH email–maybe others can speak with more experience, but I have not really seen that you’re always dealing with there being emails you haven’t received but should have with Yahoo. It’s more so just way too much spam and some hackers. With AOL, you get all of those problems–missing emails, tons of spam and hackers. My employer is the same way–only worse–as well as just other issues I’ve never seen with email accounts. So, I can understand clients being pissed if/when they are, because I’d drop a service the quality of ours rather than keep calling with problems.

Some of these things are why, I guess, our owners decided to make changes to email. Honestly, I don’t have a lot of faith that we, as people who work in tech support, are suffering through the consequences of these changes for a long-term result that’s worth it. In other words, I bet that the changes aren’t really going to be better than what clients have been dealing with prior to them.

Anyway, so you have whining about this, questions and all that, so that adds more work for us. The changes are being made every few days to different clients because we have so many. It started out not being that many clients at a time to whom the changes would apply. Then the owner got the brilliant idea to add a lot more clients each time and to start making changes, like, every other day or every two days, basically. Obviously, the owner is not having to deal with the results of the changes–those of us who do IT-related stuff at this place have to deal with it all.

I don’t know how many clients he added this last time, but it was probably more than we’d previously done and it was done in such a way that we’d have to deal with so many of these people on our busiest day of the week–Tuesday. And then our owner wants to do another round so that we’ll be getting a fresh batch of clients complaining on Thursday, when we’ll probably still be dealing with this round of clients.

I mean…get a clue about how your business works. There’s only so much employees can handle. You don’t set your workers up to deal with a whole lot of problems on an already-normally busy day.

I was fed up today. I told one of my co-workers today that, since he has the most pull there and has been consulting with the owner about these changes, he needs to tell our owner that these changes don’t need to be made Monday night or Tuesday during the day. Both me and my bitch co-worker (usually referred to here as FTG) said that these changes are being made too fast, as well. We can’t deal with this stuff every other day or twice a work week, especially if 50+ clients are getting the changes applied to them each time.

And then our supervisor does stuff like…we’re really busy, and she’s coming in and holding conversations–sometimes not even about the work. She does that almost every day. My really lazy co-worker doesn’t need any excuse or obstacle preventing him from answering the phone–it seems like she talks to him every afternoon…you know, the afternoons she’s actually at work. If she’s in there talking to, like, two of the people who are supposed to be working, it’s holding up the work from being completed or making the burden of answering the phones fall on the people she’s not speaking with. Sometimes that person is only me. It also keeps me from being able to ask these people for help when I need to without getting uncharacteristically loud or “rudely” interrupting unimportant conversations. What part of this does she not understand? Quit shooting the breeze with the workers you like just because you’re boredwe have actual work to do, and everyone in tech support needs to do it, not just the ones to whom you don’t have anything to say. Other people who work in the office do the same inconsiderate shit.

The thing about it is what I just wrote about our owner and my supervisor? These people will later be wondering why XYZ task didn’t get done or why hasn’t anyone done ABC yet. Today the phone rang so much that I just didn’t have time to check the emails that were coming into tech support. I know I wasn’t the only one. The few times I got any free time, I looked at an email and checked whether or not anyone opened a ticket. FTG was not opening tickets, either, on those. FTG strikes me as, for lack of a better word or phrase, a nerd. She is the kind of person who will make sure work gets done and it gets done correctly (and usually quickly). And I use “nerd” for that just because everyone I know who is like that is very intelligent…many are boring goody-goodys. She reminds me of the kids who are known in elementary and junior high school for getting straight A’s and always having the right answer when called on in class–and for that reason only. I knew a lot of people like this at elite universities. I’m pretty much the same way (except a lot of people have known me over the years for being funny, as well), and I take care of emails faster than anyone else does. If FTG doesn’t do an incoming email, I will do it. That neither one of us did them? I am pretty sure she just didn’t have time to, either, because of the phone ringing.

I am so sure that tomorrow we will hear something like, “Did anyone do blah blah blah email?” and “Why didn’t anyone do this?” Um, because ya over-burdened us with work on our busiest day of the week and kept coming into our room to run ya mouth. How do you not know that the phone rings like crazy on Tuesdays anyways? I know that our supervisor knows this because we’ve talked about it before, but she doesn’t have control over our workload except for staying in her damn office vs walking around chit-chatting with people who should be doing their job.

Bosses are just always so out of touch with the garbage you go through and what you have to deal with from day to day. They also usually do way less than you do but make more money, right?

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Dreaded Mondays Amplified

I think the majority of us love days off. And not even just the weekends, for those of us who work a more standard schedule and get weekends off. But real days off–days during the week when you’re not doing what you’d normally be doing if you were at work. You’re watching the good TV shows you miss during the day when you’re at work instead of trying desperately to find something good on TV like you have to do on the weekends.

The best to a lot of people is the extended weekend–three days, four days.

Oh, but there’s definitely a downside–after a three-day weekend, it’s even harder to accept that you have to return to work.

Now, the majority of us hate Mondays, right? Mondays have gone from sucking because we have to return to school after the weekend to sucking because we have to return to work after the weekend. But imagine you had Friday, Saturday and Sunday away from work. You kind of started to forget you even have a job. It was great, until sometime on Sunday when you had to face the truth.

This is true for me, anyway. I hate going to work on Monday even more when I’ve had a long weekend than I normally do. The funny thing is at my last job, which I hated far more than I hate my latest job, I used to think that just having a few days off would refresh me. Two days isn’t enough. I think four-day work weeks are more ideal for recharging. And I actually do think I returned to work feeling better after three days off. But I dreaded every single day. I woke up every morning thinking “I hate this job.”

But at my latest job, having three days off just makes me feel like quitting my job rather than go into work on Monday. This is especially true after having Friday off, because Friday felt like old times, i.e. back when I didn’t have a job. I can’t explain it. Well…maybe I can. See, at my last job, I hated where I worked but loved what I did there most of the time. At my current job, it’s not that bad of a place but I don’t really like what I do most of the time. I am not cut out to work with people, which is what I do most of the time now. I’m cut out to either sit at a computer and write or to sit at a computer and repair it all by myself (repair being what I did before). Still, I don’t wake up in the morning thinking that I hate my job now–I just wake up thinking “I don’t want to go to work.” This will especially be the case tomorrow morning after having Friday off.

I seem to cherish my free time and my weekends more with this job, too, than I did with last my job. The odd thing about that is I worked crazy hours sometimes at my last job and sometimes would get home so late that I hardly had free time. I guess because I liked what I did before and time went by faster at work (when I actually had work to do), I focused a little bit less on wanting time away from work until the final month or two at that job. Now I just feel like the time I have away from work is never good enough.

The one thing that hasn’t changed with changing jobs this last time is that I start dreading Mondays even on Saturdays. People talk about dreading Monday on Sunday night, and some say this is a sign you need to quit your job. What does it mean when you dread Monday on Saturday? Probably what I already know–I don’t need to just quit my job; I need to get rich and quit having to work any job. I’m trying to think of things to do so that I won’t have to go to bed and wake up with it being time to go to work, even though I’d be better served by just going to bed right now.

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That’s a Bad Bitch

So, yesterday I broke down “bitches” for you–three general categories of bitches. I know a lot of women get offended by the word “bitch,” especially when someone is referring to another woman as a bitch.

It’s bad when men do it because it’s seen, to some degree, as a form of sexism and disrespect. The assumption there is the individual using the word only refers to women as bitches. I know I call any and everyone a bitch. In fact, one of my earlier posts on this blog was about how men are bitches, too.

It’s bad when women do it because…well…1) “men degrade women enough without women degrading women, too”…and 2) somewhat related to #1, there’s, on occasion, this false idea that women either somehow have some sense of unity, understanding or some such nonsense to/with each other, or should or could, and calling another woman a bitch undermines this.

One of my points in telling you about bitches is that not all bitches are bad, or being a bitch is not always a bad thing. I have had a couple of friends call me a bitch. It was cool–I knew how it was meant. One of my friends and I actually used to joke about being a club of bitches. She’s not as bitchy as she used to be, and I think that’s unfortunate. I would say the same for one of my sisters. Truth is people run over you when you’re not a bitch. Hell, people run over me anyways. Scratch that–women run over me; men are pretty good to me (one of a few reasons why, much to the chagrin of a lot of LGBT people, I must say I kinda wish I were a heterosexual). But you get run over more if you’re not one, especially if you’re a woman.

But there really are some bad bitches out there. Pointing this out doesn’t automatically equate to hating women or thinking ill of all women. Really, there’s only one woman right now about whom I sit around and think, “Whoa, she is a bad bitch.” Or more accurately, I think stuff like “that bitch is a bitch” or “man, I can’t stand that bitch.”

Latest example (there are plenty of others throughout the history of this blog):

So, I know about two or so weeks ago, I wrote about how the afternoon tech geek (ATG) at work told me that the female tech geek (FTG) got in a bit of trouble and has gotten in trouble in the past over how she doesn’t take lunch when she’s supposed to. When she got in trouble the last time, I had the day off. The other times she’s gotten in trouble were before I was hired. Apparently, she has been told multiple times that she needs to go to lunch at a specific time. No one has ever said anything to me about this, but I think the reasons why this matters are because 1) there are certain times of the day when we get the least amount of phone calls, and that’s kind of when it makes sense for us to go to lunch, 2) if someone doesn’t go to lunch on time, it kind of throws everything off and we could end up with a situation in which less people are in the office to receive tech calls but we’re getting a lot of calls and/or emails because of what time it is, and 3) other people who don’t work in tech support but work in our suite will be expecting certain tech geeks to be around at certain times and then they can find that the tech geek isn’t there when needed.

Now, #3 happens all the time because FTG won’t go to lunch on time. We have to go to lunch one after the other–we can’t go at the same time because there has to be at least two tech geeks around in the office. FTG goes first. The last one of us to go to lunch is the most important tech geek in our office. He has worked there longer and, thus, knows more than everyone. So, a lot of people depend on him, and they think he goes to lunch at a certain time. But because of FTG, he often goes to lunch really late–sometimes about a full hour late–and this leaves a lot of people, particularly the owners and our supervisor, looking for him and needing him when he’s not there but should be.

Like I said, no one has had to tell me any of this. It’s as plain as day, and I have worked there just less than four months. FTG has worked there for years, so she should know this. I just think she flatout doesn’t care. It seems not to matter how many times she’s told to go to lunch on time. She just does what she wants to do without regard for anyone else. I mean, besides all the issues I mentioned above…shit, people are just hungry at some point during the day, or–definitely for me–just need a break. Or some people make plans for during lunchtime. But we’re being held hostage because FTG is just doing whatever the fuck she wants to do.

One of my huge “pet peeves” is people doing stuff without regard for others, especially when the effects of what they’re doing are pretty clear. I also have an issue with people repeatedly being told something and just not getting it or just refusing to do so.

This chick has been every day this week with this shit–this going to lunch 30 and 45 minutes later than she’s supposed to. I said to the important tech geek when she left for lunch today that I’d been told we’re supposed to take lunch on a relatively strict time frame, trying to see if he’d confirm this. He didn’t really do that. But by the way that our owners and supervisors act on days when we all go to lunch pretty late, I tend to side with ATG and believe what he said. He just told me that I should say something to FTG when she’s not moving at her lunchtime. I responded that I can’t tell if she’s working on something really important when she goes to lunch late or not, and if she’s working on something then that’s one thing. But sometimes it just seems like she’s not doing anything that essential and is just not going to lunch on time because she doesn’t want to. Like today.

Today, she went to lunch almost 45 minutes late. And she does stuff like…she’ll go to lunch late and then not take her full hour. Unless she’s going to lunch at 45 mins after the hour and coming back in 15-20 minutes, um…cutting her hour short doesn’t do our suite that much good. Coming back 25-30 minutes into my scheduled lunchtime doesn’t help our suite.

The funny thing is after that tech geek and I finished talking about these late lunch breaks, the field tech geek came in and told us about how he and another worker in our suite just saw FTG…they’d tried to be friendly and acknowledge her and she just looked at them and then ignored them. Yep–I can tell. She’s just like, “fuck these people at work” in her mind, even though no one’s really done anything to her, as far as I can tell. She doesn’t give a shit who is inconvenienced or what our supervisor says or who tries to be nice to her or about working together to help clients.

And the field tech was just like, “She’s going to kill all of us.” Because, you know, I wrote a while ago about how the guys at work “joke” about which one of us is going to snap and kill everyone someday. And I wrote it’s probably going to be her. Apparently, I’m not alone in figuring this out. He called her crazy a few days ago. I wholeheartedly agree. And tell you what–I know I’ll be the first one dead. My mother says it’ll be because I’m the only black person there. I just think it’s because it’s increasingly obvious that I don’t care for her. Not good at hiding my feelings–not just at work but in general. The field tech thinks he’s the first one who will die, but I think it makes more sense if it’s me. Given that my life is already in question like that, why on earth would I say anything to her about her needing to go to lunch?

Look, don’t call the cops yet. I still think that because she’s a woman there’s a good chance she’s not going to kill us. Plus, I’ve known virtually my whole life how I will die, and that’s cancer–like nearly everyone else in my mother’s family. I still believe that. If this were a white guy we were talking about who was weird like she is, then I might have quit by now. Or bought a bulletproof vest. (Er, for those who don’t get it, shooting up entire job offices is overwhelmingly a white male crime. Black guys do “simple” stuff like knock off stores, carjack and shoot at apartment complexes. Black women pull out other black women’s weaves over some worthless “man.” White women kill themselves by over-dieting or over-tanning. You get the picture, hopefully.)

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The Lure Of the Leo

For maybe the past week or so, I’d been looking at the date each day and thinking of all these birthdays that are coming up. The birthdays are really no longer of significance, but, still, I remember them.

Today is one of those birthdays. For some reason, I hadn’t specifically thought that her birthday was coming up. But today when I woke up and looked at the date, my mind went, “Oh…it’s E’s birthday.” E was this older married woman I used to have a thing for. Of course, nothing ever happened. I am not sure we ever even truly became friends, let alone anything else. We used to live in the same city, but we don’t anymore. So, I used to email her on her birthday and wish her a happy birthday. Unbeknownst to her, her birthday was kind of a big deal to me.

The funny thing is if I look at the calendar, I have an actual ex-girlfriend whose birthday is Sunday.

If I look again, that chick I wrote about in the last post? Yeah, her birthday is next Wednesday.

And then two and a half weeks later, there’s another ex-girlfriend who has a birthday.

Crazy, right?

I have not decided if I believe in astrology or not. I think it’s something fun. You can waste time or amuse yourself with it, and oftentimes you can twist it into saying “yeah, that fits” or “yeah, that makes sense.” But I have noticed that 1) I just seem to always be attracted to–and initially attract–Leos, and 2) most of the ones I end up drawn to have quite a few similarities. Not sure if I’ve gone gaga over these women because the sign makes them similar or because they just happen to have things in common that I typically like while having close-together birthdays. Of course, the downside is each and every single one of them eventually loses interest in me long before I lose interest in them.

I think about this daily right now because of all these birthdays.

And this is not to say I’ve only been seriously attracted to Leos. I think almost every other woman I’ve really liked has actually been my sign, i.e. a Pisces. But one of them was very Leo-ish, if you know anything about that.

If not…my take, based on experience:

I like bitches. I realized years ago that this needs to change. And clearly, there are different kinds of bitches. I think my female co-worker is a bitch, but she’s not the kind I tend to be attracted to. There’s a good bitch, a bad bitch and a half/half bitch (i.e. a mix of the good bitch and the bad bitch). I tend to like the latter, I suppose. If I had to describe the sort, I guess I’d say they are strong, know what they want, you can’t ever change their mind. They have noteworthy personalities, i.e very interesting women, usually very intelligent, at least somewhat fiery, often speak their minds. But they also seem to think shit either revolves around them or should. They are semi-Hollywood, and they kind of come off as having the acting skills to make it in Hollywood, too. They tell you in very believable tones they give a crap about your feelings, and you want to believe it but you just don’t see it in practice enough to believe it. In truth, they just seem not to have the mental or emotional capacity to understand or even fathom anyone else’s feelings. Everything’s about how they feel. Your heart is like the EKG printouts you see on TV every day with them because of the up-and-down nature of the relationship. One minute, the printout shows nice, calm, tame lines and then the next minute shit’s going haywire. And when they decide they’ve had enough fun with you and are done, you can forget getting them to come back or even entertaining you for one second–it’s not happening.

Almost all the Leos I’ve liked have been like this. No offense to any Leos who might be reading and either don’t see themselves here or simply refuse to. I’m talking about the women I’ve known. Why I like women like this, I don’t know. Best guess is it has something to do with being the youngest in a family of women and having been pushed around by them, as well as other women, all my life. Just used to it.

Still, it kind of makes me wish I could forget all these damn birthdays. Doesn’t sound very much like their birthdays deserve any of my time or thoughts.

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The Emotional Version of Friends With Benefits

A lot of us out there would never have a “friends with benefits” arrangement with someone, but many of us engage in something of a FWB in our lifetime. I realized that this afternoon when I was reading stuff.

Anybody ever had the experience of meeting someone you were interested in romantically and that person told you he/she was not looking for a relationship or wasn’t ready for a relationship…and then you and this person proceeded to essentially act as if you were in a relationship? Maybe you were the person who was saying, “Nope, not ready for a relationship right now”?

I had this happen. Of course, I was the one who was told that a relationship couldn’t happen…because, you know, it’s not my lot in life to be the heart breaker…only to be the heartbroken. At the time, I seriously thought, “Oh, it’s cool. We can just have a little fun flirting with each other and not take it any further.” I didn’t want a relationship, either. I really didn’t.

Does this sound like anything to you? Perhaps the kind of naive thinking that comes from people in FWB arrangements?

We had a purely non-physical relationship with each other, and we became like best friends. But we also became like everything else that a couple becomes, aside from the physical. And frankly, I wish we had been physical. It doesn’t make as much sense to spend months and months hurt, confused and everything else without it. Sometimes people have this kind of relationship and it includes the physical, which makes it even more like FWBs without explicitly calling it that.

The bottom line is always that these things aren’t romantic relationships. Someone always gets confused about that. The funny thing is during my emotional FWB thing, I told her directly it’s a romantic relationship and she needs to admit it but she never would. Now she’s the one who seems to want to think of it more along those lines in retrospect and I’m the one who won’t. I just haven’t known what to call it until today. Now I know–we were emotional FWBs. We got everything people in a romantic relationship get emotionally without the commitment. She was never my girlfriend, and I was never hers. Originally, that was fine.

But probably like a lot of people after a FWB thing doesn’t work or like people who come out of emotional FWB things without what they ultimately wanted, I now understand that when someone says “I don’t want a relationship” it’s time to just stop, turn around and walk away. It’s not time to flirt, act like you’re in a relationship or have sex with that person.

Couldn’t really tell you what ended up happening, because I don’t really know. That makes it a lot harder to move on, because there are just so many unanswered questions and so many things that I don’t understand and never will. When it’s like that, it’s harder to stop thinking about it and trying to find answers. The “no relationship” thing was presented as something that made a lot of sense…just a relatively good reason, not something meant to bullshit or reject me–which is how it’s usually meant. And then one of the last times we had a long conversation, she said that she didn’t think she’d actually had romantic feelings for me. Now, this is not what I had been told while we were acting like we were in a romantic relationship–quite the opposite–but, still, there was no romantic relationship, no commitment and no wanting to call it any of that.

Again, reminding you of anything?

For months, I didn’t believe what she’d said because it didn’t match how our relationship had been. She also very much wants to be “different” from everyone else. Stuff that applies to other people doesn’t apply to her, according to her. So, I couldn’t judge her or us by normal standards, which would further keep me without any real answers because nothing she actually told me actually made sense to me. If I ever tried to say, “Hey, normally when people do stuff you do, it means this…” she’d get offended or something…just amazed that I couldn’t see where she was coming from or trust her.

If you’ve ever looked at relationship advice and such, you have noticed that it’s pretty black and white. Most of it doesn’t allow for wiggle room or exceptions. I used to see something wrong with this, but, more and more, I’m starting to buy it. If I were going to buy it in application to my situation, I’d be buying stuff like, “When she said she didn’t want a relationship, that meant she just didn’t want one with you.” And when I think of it like that, especially in conjunction with the kind of crap she told me in that same conversation I mentioned–the one in which she told me she hadn’t actually had romantic feelings for me–shit makes sense. One of the last things I’d communicated to her was that if she wanted to be in my life, she would be. That’s another black-and-white relationship advice kind of statement. And, of course, she was like, “You don’t really know me if you think that.” But I think she, in not so many words, told me that during that conversation. If she wanted to be with me, she would have been. And if she wanted to remain in my life or keep me in hers or continue to be a friend to me, that would have happened, as well.

I wrote maybe a few weeks ago that women act as if they can’t stand for someone to have an issue with them or to think that someone might. I’ve also been reading about how some dumpers will check up on the dumpee and want to know how the dumpee is doing to ease his/her guilty conscience or to not feel so much like the bad guy. To be clear, I can’t at all speak for my eFWB or to what her intentions are. But if I were going to look at all this said-concern for me in a more black-and-white way, the concern is really more about her than about me.

Like I said, I’ll never know for sure. I do know this is far from just being her fault. In my own defense, I didn’t really know what would happen if I didn’t stop everything with “I don’t want a relationship.” The problem with relationships–at least for me–is the situations are always different, meaning there probably won’t be an opportunity for me to use what I learned from the eFWB situation, i.e. no one else is going to tell me “I’m not ready for a relationship.”

But, hey–maybe now you’ll know what to do when you hear this crap from someone.

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Money and the Lack of Self-Control

Ever since I found out I was getting a raise at work, I have been trying to figure out what to buy. Every time I get extra money, I feel the urge to spend some of it. This is no different. Usually, there is some tech gadget that makes it an easy decision for me as far as how to spend some money. But there’s not really anything that I want. I was kind of thinking of the Apple TV, but I was thinking about that before I got the raise. And it’s not that expensive. I’m usually not happy unless I can spend $300+ on some big thing.

I got paid Friday. I was told when I found out about the raise that it wouldn’t apply until the next pay period. But apparently, they actually applied it for the two weeks before I’d even been told about it because my paycheck included that raise.

Oh, not good. Now I really feel the urge to spend some money.

If I could take off work, I’d just go somewhere. I’d go to another city and have fun. But that’s pretty much out of the question right now.

It’s got to be something very satisfying for me. Something that won’t be a waste of money. I hate to say it, but the last time I felt the urge to have something and I bought it…well, that item has just been lying around. It was the iPad. I just have no use for an iPad. I have a laptop, and I have an iPhone. What to do with an iPad? It’s cool and everything, but there’s nothing to do with it that can’t be done with a laptop, especially since I’m not paying for 3G on it (wifi really only makes it good at home, because I don’t hang out at hotspots). And even so, the iPhone is more mobile because of its size.

So far, all I’ve been able to come up with is…clothes?

Yeah, not a big clothes person. But I’m definitely tired of wearing the same shit to work all the time. I already ordered a few things, but I don’t think I’ve even broken $100 yet. Like I’ve said, there’s got to be one big, immensely satisfying item to make me not spend money for a while.

All I have come up with is this cool jacket I found. Granted, it’s the coolest jacket I’ve ever seen. But $300 for a jacket? That’s not really me. Not sure I’d be properly satisfied. I also tend not to wear jackets. Look, I live in the South. The only seasons we truly have down here are warm, hot and booty burnin’ (it’s currently booty burnin’ season). And it rains, but it’s not like the damn jacket has a hood, even. If I moved back up to the Midwest, which I’d love to do, that might be one thing. But you’re talking about someone who sometimes wore flip flops in the snow and who had to lie to her mother when she asked if I was wearing the kind of crap she thought I should wear when it was, like, 7 degrees in Michigan and Illinois when I was living in those places (hats, hoods, gloves, scarves, a big coat…crap like that). Ironically, it was only when I had on shoes that were actually for inclement weather that I’d fall on my ass outside.

I keep looking at the jacket, saying “no no no.” But I don’t have a good feeling about that one. I just don’t really have self-control when it comes to buying stuff I want. That’s one reason I left Illinois–I was too poor there to hang. I kept having to look at stuff I wanted and actually leave it where it was. That wasn’t going to work. So, do I think I can or will resist here? Absolutely not. The only way I might not get it is if I can think of something better that is at least equally expensive.


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I Quit One of My Jobs

Last night, I posted and mentioned how tired I was from working all day.

I woke up this morning much the same way. I was so tired that I got out of bed late and almost made it to work late. I wasn’t even worried about making it to work on time. Normally, it takes two or three hours before I really feel mentally awake during the day when I wake up early–that is, two or three hours from when I arrive at work…although sometimes my energy drink does a good job of making me feel alert sooner than that–but today I didn’t start feeling that awake until the afternoon.

I guess sleeping on the issues I wrote about last night with my sports writing job was good enough, because first thing this morning I knew I had to quit that job. I’d spent all weekend and much of Monday working on stuff for that site while juggling my tech job, and I just didn’t have any energy left. I couldn’t spend all day today doing the same thing.

So I quit.

Now I have my tech job and still have my sports blog, which I already started working more on in terms of figuring out how to get more hits. So far, I’m happy with and proud of the written work I’ve done there. I think it’s really good. I just think more people need to see it, haha. And this really is more so what I’d rather put my energy towards than helping some other site make more money off lesser material, even if it would have meant more money for me in the short term. I think doing sports writing on my own terms will ultimately pay off more so for me, and I’m not really talking about the money–I’m talking about opportunities down the road.

Best of all…I get to relax tonight. I can watch my favorite currently-running non-sports show (“Jane By Design”–yes, sadly, it often feels like the best modern TV shows are the ones that really are more so for kids and teens) without worrying about getting work done.

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How Does Anyone Work Two Jobs?

It’s starting to kill me.

I am so tired. I have been working all day, and it’s only going to get worse since football season is basically right around the corner.

Working two jobs was easier for me to handle when I worked overnight. I could do quite a bit of writing overnight, sleep during the weekdays and watch college football on the weekends and weeknights. I can tell that it’s going to be harder to handle working during the day. There’s not always enough downtime working during the day vs working at night, and since I have to support clients at my day job I can be interrupted at any moment and often am. And if a day is busy enough, I am usually not going to get any writing done at work. I never know ahead of time when those busy days will strike.

Probably the thing that makes this most difficult is the sports site I was hired to write for seems to be demanding. And maybe if the job were better, it’d feel worth it. But more and more, I regret taking the job. I really only took it because of the money (one of the few sports sites I could write for at this point and be paid for my work–it’s too much work to not be paid) and because they get a lot of readers, which means more exposure for me. At the same time, they mainly want us to write boring stuff like game previews, team previews, game picks–things I don’t typically write and don’t enjoy writing. I am really more of a columnist type. I like to respond to big stories in college football, big games, and just offer opinions and analysis on what’s happening. And I was told I could write things like that for my sports job, but that just doesn’t seem to be their main focus.

Plus, we’re expected to get the boring material done quickly, and I just don’t have that kind of time. I’m not some 20-year old who is sitting around on summer break from college with nothing to do but read and write about college football. Furthermore, that other writers there get stuff written quickly shows in the quality of their work, and I’m not for that. I’m not interested in throwing weak written material on the site just for the sake of getting reads and, thus, money generated. I want my name on quality material and accurate material. One of the writers for that site puts up a lot of stuff, but the other day the site owner received an email from the athletic department of a university about inaccuracies in the writer’s article. The site also doesn’t look as professional as I think it should, and I have reservations about being attached to something that just generally doesn’t meet the standards I think it should.

Unlike most people, I don’t work two jobs for the money (i.e. to pay living expenses) or to help pay down debt. I’m in debt for sure, but I accept it. I know there are other people who don’t want to do that. They try to live their lives in a way that will help them get out of debt. I’m the type of person who can’t live without material things that I desire or without quality time to just sit, think, be myself and be by myself. Working a lot just does not suit someone like me, and neither does living frugally. I’d rather be in debt the rest of my life than deprive myself. That’s just how I am.

So, for me to work two jobs, it has to not feel like work in some way. Unfortunately, my day job is my day job. It is to pay the bills. I can’t get around having a job I don’t like and would rather not be doing. But that’s partially where working in sports comes in. I love sports and I’d love to make sports my day job. But I have to get enough experience somehow and get my name out there, get my writing out there. Right now, it can’t be my day job. It just doesn’t pay enough right now. And usually, writing does not feel like work. Before I applied for and accepted this job at that sports site, I had started up my own blog–or, really, I had moved my blog from one site to another and, after months of not writing on it, started writing on it again. I like the work I do on that blog because it’s exactly the kind of writing I want to do. I also make very small revenue from it.

I’m starting to think I’d be better off just ditching the sports site I work for and just doing everything I can to make my sports blog popular so that I can do things my way, grow a large following on my own and generate more revenue. I think I can do it. Best of all, it won’t feel like work or like I’m back in school writing uninteresting papers on a deadline.

Money is not the issue in any way, except for replacing my day job. And right now, I don’t feel like I want to leave my day job anyway.

See, today I got a raise at work. A big raise. I was kind of surprised by how much they decided to give me. I didn’t ask for it. They’d told me when they were interviewing me for the job that they’d give me a raise after three months. And I’d been thinking about it lately since it is just past three months on the job, but I wasn’t particularly anxious to say anything about it because, as I said, money is not really a big issue for me. But they stuck to their word and informed me that I was receiving a raise. They basically told me that I will keep receiving raises in my current position. But they also told me I could learn a lot and move into positions there in which they will really pay me a lot of money.

I’d already thought about it and observed people in those other positions. It’s not anything I’d like to do. It would cut into that “me” time I need and want too much. But it’s funny how I’ve been sitting here writing that I hate people, don’t want to work with or deal with people and all that for weeks now, but the second I get more money at work and am told there’s more where that came from if I remain there and keep doing a good job…it makes me want to stick around. Will I still feel this way a month from now? Probably not. We’ll see. But this job will finance my living and leisure expenses just fine while I try to get a sports writing career off the ground.

In the meantime, I will go to bed after a day of researching, writing (mainly boring stuff) and serving clients…then get up tomorrow just to do the exact same thing.

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My Office’s Politics

So, earlier this week the afternoon tech geek (ATG) was supposed to come in and work during the day with me because the female tech geek (FTG) was off. He is always, at the very latest, on time for work. So when it was the hour on the dot, I slowly started wondering if he’d forgotten or didn’t realize he had to work early that day. As it got towards half an hour past his scheduled work start time, I started wondering if maybe he’d taken off and I hadn’t heard about it. That’s incredibly possible with the [lack of] communication at my job.

At this point, I’m at work by myself. Luckily, we weren’t really getting any calls.

I started checking IM to see if, by chance, he would come online because he’s one of the few people who works there who uses that IM program when he’s at home, as well. Eventually, he did sign on.

I IMed him and asked him if he was supposed to be working. He said no. I told him he was scheduled. He was like, “Are you sure?” I checked the schedule one more time–I’d checked it many times–and, apparently, he started checking also. He realized he was supposed to be at work.

THEN he said he’d made plans and, thus, wasn’t going to come in.

He started trying to call our supervisor, and she didn’t answer the phone.

The woman who works in accounting at my job is sort of the supervisor when our supervisor is not there. She arrives at work before our supervisor does, so I decided to tell her what happened when she got in.

She was just kinda like…it was a big issue. He did end up coming in eventually, because our supervisor called him and told him he had to.

Then we started talking about some of the people who work there, and, I’m telling you–golden material. Basically validated a lot of my thoughts, theories, observations.

Here’s basically what the accounting lady (AL) said:

About FTG–She’s never going any further at this place because of her [lack of] communication skills, despite being good at what she does. Once again, I was told that the way FTG is with me is how she is with everyone there. AL told me a story about how FTG emailed her one time because she had a problem with how AL had handled something. Apparently, this pissed AL off and AL confronted FTG (like, in a confrontational manner), telling FTG that if she has a problem with her she needs to speak to her. AL said that FTG has an issue making eye contact with people, so AL yelled at FTG to look at her. When FTG did, she basically looked scared.

I’m thinking–You can’t convince me that FTG is shy. I’m leaning more towards something is just wrong with her. From what everyone at work has said, she has no issue firing off an email or an IM to someone about some issue she has with them. From what I’ve seen, it can be about something stupid. She will get into it with someone, as long as it’s in writing. She has no issues talking to clients or even talking to other people at work when it suits her, i.e. as long as she initiates the conversation with the person at work. She does not seem nervous or shy with anyone, other than maybe the eye contact thing.

I told my mother about how the guys at work joke about which one of us is going to come in one day and kill everyone, which really isn’t a good joke, as my mother pointed out. I’m starting to think that if anyone there did that, it’d be FTG. It’s interesting, because, like I said one time at work, it’s always men who do that–but the two people at work who weird me out are women. The guys are so not a big deal; they are just very guy-ish, i.e. they just like to talk about dumb shit. My mother told me that if one day FTG actually gets bold enough to speak to me about some problem she has with me, I need to get up and leave because something bad is about to happen, hahahaha. Maybe that shouldn’t be funny, but…

About ATG–AL said that he comes to work on time and is always there, except for this slip-up, but he doesn’t do anything while he’s there.

I’m thinking–I knew that these people recognize that he doesn’t do anything. I’ve seen/heard several people there explicitly ask him to handle something, including AL and our supervisor, and I believe that’s because they know he doesn’t do his fair share.

About one of the field techs–He has had it in for ATG since ATG started. But AL has been complaining about him to the owners because he never comes to work on time and just leaves when he feels like it without clocking out, then comes back. The owners have told him to come on time, but it doesn’t matter. They won’t really do much more about it and have all but told AL that. This tech is 30 minutes late daily, and he also decided to take off last week when he didn’t officially have any days that he could take off allotted to him.

I’m thinking–A couple of weeks ago, this tech was basically pushing to get ATG fired. He complains about ATG quite a bit. But AL is right about him. He has never been on time as long as I’ve worked there, which has now been over three months. This week he’s gotten closer and closer to it, and I suspect that someone said something to him again about how he’s always late.

My conversation with AL confirmed a lot of other things, too, but two more off the top of my head:

1) ATG had told me once that you basically have to be trying to get fired in order for these people to fire someone. I can tell that they are willing to put up with a lot of nonsense, which I can’t stand about employers nowadays because it negatively affects the good workers. The owners just don’t seem to be in touch enough with the workers to really know or care what’s going on, and they don’t seem to care when people like AL tell them what’s going on. AL can’t fire anyone, but I’m sure she would if she could. And our supervisor–I don’t know how much power she has to fire anyone, but I sense that she’s the type of person who just wants to avoid having to do things like that.

2) I’m sure people there talk shit about me if they’re talking shit about everyone else. My last job was so gossip-y because it was big. It was like school. This place is the typical office type of thing. I’m not really sure which is worse, although right now I feel like this is worse. In big places, I can get lost in the crowd and have enough anonymity that most people aren’t going to talk about me because they don’t know me, and if they’re talking about me they’re probably doing it with someone who doesn’t know me. I also don’t like that I feel it’s hard for me to avoid being a part of this, i.e. doing the same things other people do and some of the things I’d complain about. You can’t always say “I’m not getting involved,” “I’m not discussing this” or “I don’t want to hear about this.” And honestly, I do like hearing about how some people describe other people at work, because it helps me. I’m not talking about helping me move up the corporate ladder. Learning about how other people see FTG, for example, lets me know I’m not really the problem. You also just have to learn how to navigate or deal with certain people at work, and this is especially true in smaller work environments in which you can’t really avoid those people.

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Good Service Might Lead To Good Jobs

I wanted to write a full post earlier today about some things that have happened at work. Instead, I spent most of the day messing with the crappy DSL at my house. AT&T is sending out a new modem…that we had to pay for. Completely ridiculous, especially since they gave us some cheap piece-of-crap modem to begin with. All of this fooling around with the DSL ruined my plans to write/finish some sports pieces, as well.

I am too tired to write much, so I’ll have to write more later.

But one thing that happened at work:

The Chatty Cathy of my work place told me that the CEO of one of our clients was asking about me. She said he never does that and he must have been really impressed with me. Apparently, after I spoke with him one day last week he sent her a text message asking what all I do for my employer and just asking about my background. She told him I have a college degree but she didn’t know what it was in. I am basically the only person who does my job and didn’t study anything tech-related in school. When she told me this about the CEO, I told her a bit about my background and the tech experience I have. Knowing how she likes to talk, I’m sure she will tell him. She works for that client part-time.

She started the conversation by asking me if I’d spoken with that company last week, and I told her yes. I thought I was about to get some bad news, like they complained. When she explained that he was asking about my background and said he must be impressed, I told her that I assist them on nearly a daily basis. They email us almost every day needing something done, sometimes multiple times a day. I check email constantly at work because I’m bored there a lot. So, when I see a client email, I usually get right on it. This is especially true for this particular client because what they need done is usually very easy to do. Most of the time, I email them back within 10 minutes letting them know I have done what they needed. The CEO is pretty much never involved in those emails–it’s usually two or three other people who work there. I am pretty sure they were not consistently getting their needs met as quickly as I meet them before I started working where I work.

I’m guessing the CEO knows about me through those two or three people I usually assist. I tried to call back last week and let one of them know I completed the task she called about, and he answered the phone. He was just very thankful, saying we do great work.

If you have ever read my blog before, you probably know I hate people. You also probably know I don’t care for my job.

The clients don’t know this, though. I amaze myself with how good I am with most clients. I sound very pleasant on the phone. I’m not pleasant. I act patient with them. I am not a patient person. I reassure them that they’re not stupid and that their acting stupid is okay–“stupid” being related to a lack of tech knowledge, not being a jackass. I act as if I’m happy to help them. I’m not–I just want to be at home. So, there are some clients who love me. Definitely not all of them, though.

I don’t really see what I could do at the company where the CEO was asking about me, so I don’t see anything really coming of that. But maybe one of these other companies where some of the people love me have positions I could do. One of our clients is actually a sports writer and sports talk show host. I’m not necessarily interested in doing radio, even if it’s sports radio. But this client does write for a major network, and it’s one where a lot of the writers get to do the kind of sports writing I’d most prefer to do.

I learned some very interesting things at work recently. More on that in the next couple of days.

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